Our habits so are arranged, that they do not wish to vary. Many people wish to begin «a new life» since tomorrow. But the majority of them not in a condition it to make. Really, when it is necessary to make something useful, there are reasons that it not to do. The originator of it is our own «the person of a habit». It switches on protective mechanisms against effort to begin a new life. It once again confirms, that our habits do not wish to vary. And among these habits habits of intellectual behaviour which operate us have special value. Sometimes under someone's influence or after perusal of the "clever" book we start to think of movement to the best. And it is valid, we manage to live some time "in a new fashion", however under the influence of habits all comes back to the circles. It once again confirms that fact, that refusal of habits is difficult and extremely unpleasant.
Any habit should not choke violent by. It means, that for disposal of an undesirable habit it is necessary to change itself so that to want useful, instead of harmful or dangerous. For example, for all the habit to "put off" is known. It is necessary to realise accurately, that it cannot be eliminated compulsorily. It will be possible to cope with a habit to postpone this or that business only when this business is pleasant to us. And it also is a nonviolent way of change of "the person of a habit».
Roughly suppressing negative habits, we risk to increase their force. When we combat harm, difficultly happens to refrain from violence though it and is counter-indicative. The more we would like to weaken force of a habit, the the smaller effort should be made over ourselves that it to eliminate. Determination to change itself to (operate) very often it is raised by violent self-control. As the main justification at unwillingness to change to the best many put an argument that «self-improvement I do not wish to increase difficulty of the life». They once again confirm with it, as it is difficult to change to "the person of a habit» and that any such change is the extremely painful. However the majority of people happens is compelled to change the habits only at threat to their well-being or a life. Someone undertakes the improvement only after a heart attack, having appeared on the verge of a life and death. Someone starts to train and reaches certain heights in sports to take itself from infinite abyss of champion race. Someone stops to smoke because of fear of amputation of a foot. Other examples too confirm, that many dare to change themselves only in need of disposal of sufferings, and it and is a violent paradigm of self-improvement.
The effort necessary for execution of any action, is defined by force of motivation. The motivation is that calls activity, induces the person to action. Experts confirm, that the more strongly the motivation, the is required efforts to definition of the purposes, activity maintenance according to the purpose less, on opposition to hindrances and attempts to stop activity under the influence of weariness and other reasons.
Thus, the more strongly energy of motivation, the it is necessary to put efforts less, the more strongly desire something to make, the «the person of will» is to a lesser degree involved. The motivation of activity decreases, when the purposes are defined by someone from the party. In those cases when the purposes are defined by someone another, we always feel necessity, that considerably reduces motivation of activity. If the person himself defines the activity purposes it is easier to it to execute it as they grow out of the free decision. That is why, that it was easy to make something, voluntariness is necessary. It is easy to do habitual business as all power of "the person of a habit» thus joins that allows to release an energy large quantity without special effort. « The person of will »in this case as though dozes and only sometimes wakes up slightly to correct« the person of a habit ». And when we start to do something unusual to us it is difficult as raise internal pressure, uncertainty, fear, doubt etc.
Only the requirement «on the verge of pleasant» generates real pleasure. The excessive requirement, as a rule, promotes fear occurrence before it. It can lead to that the person starts to be afraid of efforts in general. That is why it is necessary to aspire to that every time the effort was on the verge of pleasant. Only in that case when the effort comes to the end with pleasure, there is an ability development to make this effort.
Self-improvement should not be process of violence over self, it should be based on a nonviolence paradigm. Only in this case the given process will be directed on pleasure and pleasure reception.
Then it is easy to person to make something (to write the book to prepare the task to satisfy someone's request, etc.) when it is not necessary to force itself or compulsion is so weak, that becomes imperceptible in comparison with pleasure received from business. When I am possible to replace «should», «I am obliged» on «To me it interestingly to do», «I would like it», the person will execute any action with pleasure and sensation of happiness.
The person is that he thinks of itself(himself), i.e. depending on what "thoughts-indicators" seize the person, the person is that also.
Really, if we think of happiness, we feel happy; if we are visited by sad thoughts, we long; if at our thoughts there is a fear, we are afraid; if we think of illnesses, quite probably, that we will be ill; if we think of failures, in something for certain we will come to grief... In other words, in most cases we are that we think of themselves.
The image of thought is capable to generate a way of life. Here the major principle of reflexion is realised: «the similar gives rise similar». It means, that that "has settled down" in subconsciousness it is materialised in consciousness and behaviour of the person. Really, practice confirms, that the person is capable to rise, win, achieve success, only having ennobled the thoughts. Not casually in this occasion known saying says: «Tell to me, that you think, and I will tell, who you!»
As the person thinks, the result is that also. If mentally to reproduce a picture of adverse result it will start to seem more and more real. After a while automatically arise and corresponding emotions: fear, trouble, despair which result of own imagination is. It once again confirms position that as the person thinks, the result is that also!
The person pleases in a life not that it surrounds, and its relation to the surrounding. It means, that "quality" of a life of each of us is defined not by an objective situation, and our subjective relation to it, i.e. how we react to this situation.
Very often to the person difficultly happens to realise, that the fact (something objective) can be reflected in its consciousness in the form of its various opinions concerning this fact. For example, the person does not have money to buy the new car, is objectively, it is the fact, and here the statement: «There is no money for the car, and I cannot be happy» is only opinion, i.e. subjective perception of this fact, it can be and another: «it is very good - will not steal», «it is perfect - I will easy sleep at night», etc. the Choice - for the person.
Really, people are pleased not with events, and their relation to these events. The relation, from the point of view of a psychological explanation, is subjective, selective, estimated, to a certain extent a biased approach to an objective reality. The generated relation of the person to something is capable to execute specific function of a magnet, i.e. to draw to itself various events - as positive (good luck, success, etc.), and negative (defeat, failure, misfortune, etc.).
Let's give an example that, in what negative experiences of fear can be materialised. The internal fear, threat experience force the person to defend, they prevent to live normally, correctly to be guided in a life, as a result do the person by a potential victim of own fears. Fear of a mutilation, loss, illness at times so seizes imagination of the person, that it subconsciously (despite efforts of will) reaches for object of fear. The feeling of fear puts in action the biochemical mechanism of stress. The fear influences and all muscles, leading to their constraint and constraint, it discomposes brain hemispheres, as breaks, in turn, coordination and capacity of all organism. Thus, force of fear-in the fear. And if to replace fear with positive substances (a self-trust, healthy passion, optimism, etc.) That and our thoughts, experiences, feelings will turn in some kind of a positive magnet which will strengthen job of will and will allure good luck and success.
Thus, bad or good the person does events in own thoughts by means of formation of the certain relation to these events.
The relation to the surrounding validity forms a movement orientation of "the ship of own life». The relation can be compared to a wheel of our vital ship on which we float at validity ocean. On a wheel orientation will depend, where our ship will float: or to sunrise (to success, prosperity, happiness), or to its decline (to suffering, failure, disappointment). The wheel, as is known, copes with the help of a steering wheel of a vessel, a steering wheel is our subconsciousness, more precisely, those emotions and feelings which in him dominate. If on own captain's bridge there is a person (instead of someone another) and if he operates a steering wheel (the subconsciousness), it by right is the helmsman of the own ship.
Wise people define the necessary mood meaningly, in time using «the control button» in the form of the conscious thought directed on replacement from subconsciousness of negative "thoughts-indicators" and search of the moments of a life, connected exclusively with positive experiences.
The one who knows is wise not, and the one who is able. It concerns including abilities to think with light categories. Really, the nobility - does not mean yet to be able. It is necessary to realise knowledge in practice, to transform it into skills, to generate a habit in each stream of good and harm. Good and bad to prefer the positive. The habit represents automatic reception of reaction without reflexions and strong-willed efforts. The habit to think joyful, light categories is based, as practice shows, on aspiration in all to search and find good, constantly to cultivate positive thoughts, more friendly to concern people, deliberately to prefer light thoughts, to arrive as if success is inevitable. That the habit to be the is cheerful-succeeding person has been generated, psychologists recommend to try to live by these rules, at least, twenty one day, and only in this case the person will test a special psychological condition - a certain condition of hopelessness for success.
Follow an example in a life a sundial, i.e. keep count only light, only joyful, only to sunny days of the life.
It is necessary to do it at least because our life is not those days that there have passed, and those days that were remembered. It means, that it is necessary to remember, store and recall only those events which did us by is cheerful-succeeding and happy people.
Is conscious operate mechanisms of own mentality the wise person as only he can realise, that in his hands the considerable control not over an objective reality, and over the reaction to this reality, to concrete vital situations can only.
Who in that case this person: the actor or the director of own life? We will not impose in this case the answer to the brought attention to the question for it is not necessary to forget that it is impossible to learn to true as everyone reaches true!
Proceeding from read in the given section, formulate for itself the most significant positions. It is the extremely important for making, if you really wish to master successfully the received knowledge for the purpose of application in practice.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The director of own life.
In us there lives «the person of a habit» and «the person of will». Each of us to some extent is «the person of a habit» or «the person of will». On the one hand, habits facilitate our life, and with another - complicate it. «The person of a habit» automatically makes not only intellectual operations, but also social, in many cases and physiological. For example, I do not think: «Here now I need to allocate adrenaline and sugar as they will be useful to me for metabolism strengthening if business ends in a fight»; business is much easier. It is enough me to be adjusted on fight, «as the person of a habit» will perform the job on mobilisation of all immune system. These "habits" of physiological and biochemical levels developed during millions of years of evolution, have allowed the person to improve this ancient mechanism of a survival.
Display of "the person of will» is ability to do that is necessary. However «the person of will» who sits in us, can represent silly force which can force «the person of a habit», or clever force which can operate it. It in many respects depends on the got ability to operate the mind, to supervise movement of own images.
«The person of will» subordinates «the person of a habit» through knowledge. To subordinate a habit, it is necessary, at least:
* first to learn to operate certain stimulus-images (starting images). Any habitual action is usually automatically called by image-stimulus (seeing a smile - we smile in the answer; the football driven to feet calls desire to strike on it; the cigarette kind calls the smoker desire to light, etc.). That is why wishing to develop a habit should first of all be able to develop images-stimulus to action;
* secondly to be guided by a rule: prompting to action should be anticipated by satisfaction it. Any action does not arise in itself, and, as is known, always has a definite purpose and gives certain satisfaction. The anticipation of this satisfaction also is that necessary element creating prompting to action;
* thirdly to learn to co-ordinate functioning elements of action. Any action can be regulated meaningly. The given process becomes a habit only in that case when it not will automatically repeat so much, how much to be realised functionally.
Thus, conscious mastering by the mental mechanisms set forth above will promote habit development, its gradual submission to consciousness and will. It means, that «the person of will» subordinates «the person of a habit» through knowledge. That is why the knowledge also is force.
To make a habit conscious - means to learn to operate it. When we do not realise a habit she as though does not submit to us and works in itself, but through us. So any habits - both good and bad, and mental mechanisms of development of those and others - identical function.
The actions based on knowledge, always are more effective. It is correct, because they (the actions based on knowledge) much faster turn to skill. That is why, when it is necessary to develop at itself useful habits, first of all it is necessary to know: as ordinary actions turn at first to skill, and then and in a habit. Besides, more effectively to train itself in certain desirable actions and to transform (at desire) them in a habit, it is necessary to know deeply at least training organic laws.
Basis obuchenijachemu-or are experiences. By psychologists it is established, that any experience does not pass completely. At experience there is an information coding in long-term memory by means of certain molecular changes in a brain. Thanks to it in memory practically the information connected with that or other strong experience forever registers. Thus, for obuchenijachemu-or there should be an experience (i.e. the emotionally-sensual sphere of the person should be involved). In cases of pleasant experience images are filled with the same pleasant feelings, at unpleasant experiences - negative: disgust, alarm, trouble. After all it is correct, that we are indifferent to a drill, but only before the first visit to the dentist.
To eliminate skill, it is necessary to seize a method of its repayment. To study in something it is easy, to be retrained much more difficult. We will try to understand it on several acquaintances to us since the childhood examples - original paradoxes of a life. How to explain, for example, what, once having learnt to float, we never forget how it becomes? And why, having studied foreign language, we can forget it very quickly? Many are convinced, what is it occurs because, that the material does not repeat. Than then to explain that fact, what many images of the childhood are saved for all life though we never repeat them? And on the contrary, repeating repeatedly some information, we are inclined to forget it. To explain these paradoxes it is possible psychologically. Experts made the following experiment. Two rats have been trained to press the lever to receive food. This skill at both became identical. Then one of rats has been placed in other cage, and at remained in a former cage have disconnected the lever, i.e. by pressing the food did not appear. Psychologists have waited, that at both rats reaction of pressing of the lever in a hunger condition has completely disappeared. Animals thus continued to feed usually. Then the first rat have returned in a former cage with the lever. The rat, all time sitting in it, did not aspire to use the lever, this skill at it has disappeared. However the come back rat indifferently has used it, i.e. this skill at it was saved. Skill non-use in this case experts have named its repayments, and process has been named by repayment.
Repayment is understood as situation repetition in which there was a learning, but without an emotional reinforcement. From here follows, that for habit disappearance it is necessary to create the repayment scheme, i.e. to reproduce a situation of training without the major element - corresponding experience. It is already easy to explain, why images of the childhood are saved in memory for a long time, - because children's situations so, and the repayment scheme does not work do not repeat. Every time when we float, does not arise situations of negative fastening of this skill as swimming we fix positive experiences, and it stirs possibilities of repayment of the given skill. We forget foreign languages because the repayment scheme is objectively created: in daily dialogue we speak Russian, and necessity for foreign dialogue disappears. Foreign skills are repaid literally in each certificate of conversation, they are not fixed in speech behaviour by certain semantic experiences. To return this lost skill, it is necessary to join again in a real situation from conversation on a foreign language and corresponding experiences.
Thus, in a situation of elimination of any skill repayment laws operate. Having learnt them, it is possible to seize ability to neutralise practically any skill.
Negative habits will be eliminated, if we cease to receive from them pleasure. Elimination of bad habits always is a part of job on management of desires. Only receiving displeasure from actions of a negative habit, it is possible to get rid of it. The negative habit will die away, if is not poured by energy of positive feeling and satisfaction.
Struggle against unnecessary habits consists not in violence over them or by itself, and in creating a situation of repayment of a negative habit under the influence of the unpleasant feelings generated by it. This idea is simple, but as psychotherapeutic practice shows, its realisation is inconvenient to the person as, first, process of disposal of a negative habit turns for many to struggle against it, and it already violence, so, result as a result of, as a rule, zero. And secondly, getting rid of bad habits, we have not time to think thoroughly over that, their what good habits to replace.
To operate a habit - means to operate the experiences connected with it.
Negative habits should to be suppressed, it is necessary to get rid of them. Any action which the pleasure gives, can arise spontaneously, even under the influence of the weak impulses generating this pleasure.
It is not necessary to forget, that the law of origin of good and bad habits is identical is a pleasure which generates action of this or that habit. Therefore management of processes of origin and development of habits is reduced to management of the experiences connected with actions of a concrete habit.
Each of us to some extent and «the physiological person», and «the person of a habit», and «the person of will».
Hierarchy in each of us of levels of these "people" is shown that «the person of a habit» has higher level, than «the physiological person», and «the person of will» on the importance and force costs above «the person of a habit». It is necessary to train each of them the methods. «The person of a habit» is formed in huge degree under training laws and if this process not to operate he is capable to win «the person of will». It will be possible because it - in the union with physiology. And «the physiological person» in comparison with others - the most ancient as it was formed by means of a genetic code during an order of one and a half millions years.
Continuation follows.
Display of "the person of will» is ability to do that is necessary. However «the person of will» who sits in us, can represent silly force which can force «the person of a habit», or clever force which can operate it. It in many respects depends on the got ability to operate the mind, to supervise movement of own images.
«The person of will» subordinates «the person of a habit» through knowledge. To subordinate a habit, it is necessary, at least:
* first to learn to operate certain stimulus-images (starting images). Any habitual action is usually automatically called by image-stimulus (seeing a smile - we smile in the answer; the football driven to feet calls desire to strike on it; the cigarette kind calls the smoker desire to light, etc.). That is why wishing to develop a habit should first of all be able to develop images-stimulus to action;
* secondly to be guided by a rule: prompting to action should be anticipated by satisfaction it. Any action does not arise in itself, and, as is known, always has a definite purpose and gives certain satisfaction. The anticipation of this satisfaction also is that necessary element creating prompting to action;
* thirdly to learn to co-ordinate functioning elements of action. Any action can be regulated meaningly. The given process becomes a habit only in that case when it not will automatically repeat so much, how much to be realised functionally.
Thus, conscious mastering by the mental mechanisms set forth above will promote habit development, its gradual submission to consciousness and will. It means, that «the person of will» subordinates «the person of a habit» through knowledge. That is why the knowledge also is force.
To make a habit conscious - means to learn to operate it. When we do not realise a habit she as though does not submit to us and works in itself, but through us. So any habits - both good and bad, and mental mechanisms of development of those and others - identical function.
The actions based on knowledge, always are more effective. It is correct, because they (the actions based on knowledge) much faster turn to skill. That is why, when it is necessary to develop at itself useful habits, first of all it is necessary to know: as ordinary actions turn at first to skill, and then and in a habit. Besides, more effectively to train itself in certain desirable actions and to transform (at desire) them in a habit, it is necessary to know deeply at least training organic laws.
Basis obuchenijachemu-or are experiences. By psychologists it is established, that any experience does not pass completely. At experience there is an information coding in long-term memory by means of certain molecular changes in a brain. Thanks to it in memory practically the information connected with that or other strong experience forever registers. Thus, for obuchenijachemu-or there should be an experience (i.e. the emotionally-sensual sphere of the person should be involved). In cases of pleasant experience images are filled with the same pleasant feelings, at unpleasant experiences - negative: disgust, alarm, trouble. After all it is correct, that we are indifferent to a drill, but only before the first visit to the dentist.
To eliminate skill, it is necessary to seize a method of its repayment. To study in something it is easy, to be retrained much more difficult. We will try to understand it on several acquaintances to us since the childhood examples - original paradoxes of a life. How to explain, for example, what, once having learnt to float, we never forget how it becomes? And why, having studied foreign language, we can forget it very quickly? Many are convinced, what is it occurs because, that the material does not repeat. Than then to explain that fact, what many images of the childhood are saved for all life though we never repeat them? And on the contrary, repeating repeatedly some information, we are inclined to forget it. To explain these paradoxes it is possible psychologically. Experts made the following experiment. Two rats have been trained to press the lever to receive food. This skill at both became identical. Then one of rats has been placed in other cage, and at remained in a former cage have disconnected the lever, i.e. by pressing the food did not appear. Psychologists have waited, that at both rats reaction of pressing of the lever in a hunger condition has completely disappeared. Animals thus continued to feed usually. Then the first rat have returned in a former cage with the lever. The rat, all time sitting in it, did not aspire to use the lever, this skill at it has disappeared. However the come back rat indifferently has used it, i.e. this skill at it was saved. Skill non-use in this case experts have named its repayments, and process has been named by repayment.
Repayment is understood as situation repetition in which there was a learning, but without an emotional reinforcement. From here follows, that for habit disappearance it is necessary to create the repayment scheme, i.e. to reproduce a situation of training without the major element - corresponding experience. It is already easy to explain, why images of the childhood are saved in memory for a long time, - because children's situations so, and the repayment scheme does not work do not repeat. Every time when we float, does not arise situations of negative fastening of this skill as swimming we fix positive experiences, and it stirs possibilities of repayment of the given skill. We forget foreign languages because the repayment scheme is objectively created: in daily dialogue we speak Russian, and necessity for foreign dialogue disappears. Foreign skills are repaid literally in each certificate of conversation, they are not fixed in speech behaviour by certain semantic experiences. To return this lost skill, it is necessary to join again in a real situation from conversation on a foreign language and corresponding experiences.
Thus, in a situation of elimination of any skill repayment laws operate. Having learnt them, it is possible to seize ability to neutralise practically any skill.
Negative habits will be eliminated, if we cease to receive from them pleasure. Elimination of bad habits always is a part of job on management of desires. Only receiving displeasure from actions of a negative habit, it is possible to get rid of it. The negative habit will die away, if is not poured by energy of positive feeling and satisfaction.
Struggle against unnecessary habits consists not in violence over them or by itself, and in creating a situation of repayment of a negative habit under the influence of the unpleasant feelings generated by it. This idea is simple, but as psychotherapeutic practice shows, its realisation is inconvenient to the person as, first, process of disposal of a negative habit turns for many to struggle against it, and it already violence, so, result as a result of, as a rule, zero. And secondly, getting rid of bad habits, we have not time to think thoroughly over that, their what good habits to replace.
To operate a habit - means to operate the experiences connected with it.
Negative habits should to be suppressed, it is necessary to get rid of them. Any action which the pleasure gives, can arise spontaneously, even under the influence of the weak impulses generating this pleasure.
It is not necessary to forget, that the law of origin of good and bad habits is identical is a pleasure which generates action of this or that habit. Therefore management of processes of origin and development of habits is reduced to management of the experiences connected with actions of a concrete habit.
Each of us to some extent and «the physiological person», and «the person of a habit», and «the person of will».
Hierarchy in each of us of levels of these "people" is shown that «the person of a habit» has higher level, than «the physiological person», and «the person of will» on the importance and force costs above «the person of a habit». It is necessary to train each of them the methods. «The person of a habit» is formed in huge degree under training laws and if this process not to operate he is capable to win «the person of will». It will be possible because it - in the union with physiology. And «the physiological person» in comparison with others - the most ancient as it was formed by means of a genetic code during an order of one and a half millions years.
Continuation follows.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Plan the failures.
Sooner or later you will face failure which becomes for you serious test for durability. Your error can lead to loss of very important client for your company. Your wrong dialogue with the leading worker can force out this person. Your decision to enclose organisation resources in highly risky, but with the big prospects business can end with serious troubles.
Prevention of problems and planning of possible accidents go a hand about a hand. Weighing all possible consequences of your actions, you can avoid problems or, at least, reduce their consequences.
Do not suppose occurrence of problems
Planning of emergencies works especially well if you wish to prevent occurrence of the problems arising during public statements and presentations. We advise to unbalanced people who should act, in advance to solve as they will react to the various unpleasant moments, such as presence in audience of the person, liking to set tricky questions, breakage of technical character (for example, lag of the Internet during computer demonstration) or the annoying reservation in performance.
Overcome unforeseen circumstances
Before to start the project or to go on the thought over risk, ask the instructor or the colleague to whom you trust: «That can be the most bad?» Then add to the offered variants an own worst variant of the scenario. Now, when you to the full understand character of possible dangers, wonder: «it is good, what further?»
Having done similar exercises, you can make a plan of action at occurrence of extreme situations and in advance undertake safety measures that the possible damage was minimum. Having presented, that in your life of the head there was the most awful nightmare of an administrative sort, you can in advance and easy when you have enough time, to predict the actions.
The best way to avoid problem occurrence - carefully all to plan: the less than place you leave to accident occurrence, the it will be easier to cope to you with any possible surprises which at such approach any more will not be for you too unexpected.
The correct person, correct job
Developing strategy for each worst case, you get confidence of the forces. You approach to a problem easy, knowing, that even if there will be any failures, they will not distract you from an ultimate goal.
The plan of action at occurrence of unforeseen events also is justified when you operate the personnel. Though you define for each operation of the employee, to the greatest degree to it corresponding, always there is a probability of occurrence of defects. It, as a rule, happens, when the manager advances employees on official positions for which they do not have not enough skills, knowledge or preparation. And without them it is impossible to become successful. Having developed the plan on a case when the employee stumbles on a new post (for example, having distributed a circle of duties of one person between two employees or having passed a part of difficult duties to external structure), the manager will be more confident to feel in not planned circumstances.
Along with planning of actions on a case of unforeseen situations, the clever manager can specially allocate time to work with the employee, which have just appointed to higher post to bring him up to date.
The managers, constantly facing problems, it is not simple losers. In most cases they bear the basic share of responsibility for it.
You become a magnet of troubles, if at you bad communication skills and abilities. Too long, too loud or too sharp conversations also can affect negatively your relations with colleagues and subordinates. Protect itself from failures of this sort, having tried to get rid of three communication traps (are allocated in frameworks).
Impulsiveness
Here four most important words which will help you to prevent occurrence of interpersonal problems: at first think, then speak. Instead of at once spreading everything, that has come to you "to a head, think, in what it can result. Before you will express sharply, imagine a situation in 5 minutes. What direction was accepted now by conversation? Whether both parties positively react to it? That you have told now, becomes an occasion to the subsequent words, therefore be convinced, that your statements work for the blessing and help achievement of an object in view by you.
Do not create problems, interrupting speaking on the offer middle, especially if you start to speak something which are not concerning the basic theme of conversation. Allow to the person to finish a phrase, and then wait it is a little more. At the expense of a pause you as though give a signal to another, that are not going to to anybody to impose the opinion.
Hasty operating managers can wrongly accept impulsiveness for resoluteness. They believe, that it it is necessary operatively and to make vigorously of the decision, to give estimations and to define a situation instantly, therefore all the day long they quickly move on office, giving one behind another orders and orders. Certainly, resoluteness demonstration if you have enough the facts allowing you quickly to come to a substantiated conclusion, is quite possible. But know, that you are too impulsive, if speak or operate, not weighing the future consequences of your words and acts.
Before you will begin the important conversation in which course there can be problems, set to yourself following questions:
* That it is necessary for me to learn from this person?
* I should set What questions? (Make the list of these questions that you have forgotten nothing!)
* On what basis of assumptions I will have this conversation?
* As I can check up accuracy of what I have heard?
Approval reception
If you constantly try to meet with approval from others thereby you inform them, that they wish to hear, instead of that it is necessary for them to know. And it serves very much as a fertile field for occurrence of problems.
Clever managers leave arising conflicts without "holes", operating fairly and is thin. They care of that them liked less, and try more, that to them trusted. Ask them, that underlies their dialogue with the employee, and they will tell: «I wish to achieve mutual respect», instead of «I want, that we became friends».
Would be naive to believe, that your personnel will approve all your actions and decisions. It is excluded. Even most your best intentions will be exposed from time to time to the sharp criticism. But while you will direct attention of each employee to achievement of overall aims and to inform, how it is possible to achieve them, you will enhance the responsibility each person for its actions and to a lesser degree to think of that, how much your instructions are accepted or criticised by subordinates
Prevention of problems and planning of possible accidents go a hand about a hand. Weighing all possible consequences of your actions, you can avoid problems or, at least, reduce their consequences.
Do not suppose occurrence of problems
Planning of emergencies works especially well if you wish to prevent occurrence of the problems arising during public statements and presentations. We advise to unbalanced people who should act, in advance to solve as they will react to the various unpleasant moments, such as presence in audience of the person, liking to set tricky questions, breakage of technical character (for example, lag of the Internet during computer demonstration) or the annoying reservation in performance.
Overcome unforeseen circumstances
Before to start the project or to go on the thought over risk, ask the instructor or the colleague to whom you trust: «That can be the most bad?» Then add to the offered variants an own worst variant of the scenario. Now, when you to the full understand character of possible dangers, wonder: «it is good, what further?»
Having done similar exercises, you can make a plan of action at occurrence of extreme situations and in advance undertake safety measures that the possible damage was minimum. Having presented, that in your life of the head there was the most awful nightmare of an administrative sort, you can in advance and easy when you have enough time, to predict the actions.
The best way to avoid problem occurrence - carefully all to plan: the less than place you leave to accident occurrence, the it will be easier to cope to you with any possible surprises which at such approach any more will not be for you too unexpected.
The correct person, correct job
Developing strategy for each worst case, you get confidence of the forces. You approach to a problem easy, knowing, that even if there will be any failures, they will not distract you from an ultimate goal.
The plan of action at occurrence of unforeseen events also is justified when you operate the personnel. Though you define for each operation of the employee, to the greatest degree to it corresponding, always there is a probability of occurrence of defects. It, as a rule, happens, when the manager advances employees on official positions for which they do not have not enough skills, knowledge or preparation. And without them it is impossible to become successful. Having developed the plan on a case when the employee stumbles on a new post (for example, having distributed a circle of duties of one person between two employees or having passed a part of difficult duties to external structure), the manager will be more confident to feel in not planned circumstances.
Along with planning of actions on a case of unforeseen situations, the clever manager can specially allocate time to work with the employee, which have just appointed to higher post to bring him up to date.
The managers, constantly facing problems, it is not simple losers. In most cases they bear the basic share of responsibility for it.
You become a magnet of troubles, if at you bad communication skills and abilities. Too long, too loud or too sharp conversations also can affect negatively your relations with colleagues and subordinates. Protect itself from failures of this sort, having tried to get rid of three communication traps (are allocated in frameworks).
Impulsiveness
Here four most important words which will help you to prevent occurrence of interpersonal problems: at first think, then speak. Instead of at once spreading everything, that has come to you "to a head, think, in what it can result. Before you will express sharply, imagine a situation in 5 minutes. What direction was accepted now by conversation? Whether both parties positively react to it? That you have told now, becomes an occasion to the subsequent words, therefore be convinced, that your statements work for the blessing and help achievement of an object in view by you.
Do not create problems, interrupting speaking on the offer middle, especially if you start to speak something which are not concerning the basic theme of conversation. Allow to the person to finish a phrase, and then wait it is a little more. At the expense of a pause you as though give a signal to another, that are not going to to anybody to impose the opinion.
Hasty operating managers can wrongly accept impulsiveness for resoluteness. They believe, that it it is necessary operatively and to make vigorously of the decision, to give estimations and to define a situation instantly, therefore all the day long they quickly move on office, giving one behind another orders and orders. Certainly, resoluteness demonstration if you have enough the facts allowing you quickly to come to a substantiated conclusion, is quite possible. But know, that you are too impulsive, if speak or operate, not weighing the future consequences of your words and acts.
Before you will begin the important conversation in which course there can be problems, set to yourself following questions:
* That it is necessary for me to learn from this person?
* I should set What questions? (Make the list of these questions that you have forgotten nothing!)
* On what basis of assumptions I will have this conversation?
* As I can check up accuracy of what I have heard?
Approval reception
If you constantly try to meet with approval from others thereby you inform them, that they wish to hear, instead of that it is necessary for them to know. And it serves very much as a fertile field for occurrence of problems.
Clever managers leave arising conflicts without "holes", operating fairly and is thin. They care of that them liked less, and try more, that to them trusted. Ask them, that underlies their dialogue with the employee, and they will tell: «I wish to achieve mutual respect», instead of «I want, that we became friends».
Would be naive to believe, that your personnel will approve all your actions and decisions. It is excluded. Even most your best intentions will be exposed from time to time to the sharp criticism. But while you will direct attention of each employee to achievement of overall aims and to inform, how it is possible to achieve them, you will enhance the responsibility each person for its actions and to a lesser degree to think of that, how much your instructions are accepted or criticised by subordinates
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Praise to nonsense 3.
8. Trust, but check
We are mistaken where more often, than it seems to us, especially if we are absolutely assured of the correctness.
So often, that sociologists even have put into circulation the new term - a superconfidence syndrome - and have illustrated its action on set of examples. They set to people some question, and then asked respondents to estimate degree of their confidence of each of answers from 0 (is not assured) to 100 % absolutely assured).
What has occurred?
15 % of all answers of which respondents have been absolutely assured, have appeared wrong. So, as though you have been assured in something, in 15 % cases you are mistaken.
Results of this research can find at least three important applications for those who is engaged in planning. First, try to consider this 15 %-s' error in the business, reveal those areas where errors are constantly committed, and correct them.
The second, always call into question all decisions. Even if you are absolutely assured, you are not right more often.
And at last, do not allow another to influence the decisions and do not accept the point of view of the one who is assured more than others. Many people use confidence as belief means because they aspire to an individual victory. Some of them can be fair in the opinions, but honesty is completely not identical to correctness.
If you or someone in something is completely confident, call it into question.
9. Avoid perfection
Better a titmouse in hands, than a crane in the sky. We will reflect, whether probably all to us to agree and strictly to define, what there is "best"? What is the time will occupy discussions?
Even if possibility to agree exists, what is the time it is required to finish business and to receive this "best"? Whether probably in general quickly and effectively to reach it?
Business planning usually submits to "the Rule of the beginning of business»: all will manage twice more expensively and will demand twice the big time expenses, than it was expected. Whether you can dare to spend so much time and money?
Whether you are ready to offer something in other areas - a working environment, productivity, speed of delivery, - to reach the highest results in one?
Whether actual and potential clients will apprehend these efforts the same as also you? Whether it Is pleasant to them? Whether all is equal to them? The given change is how much important for them?
Aspire to excellent result, but not to perfection.
Skill wins perfection.
10. Be careful of common sense
One of heads entering into the list «Fortune 500» the companies somehow has come out with the assumption that in marketing there is nothing difficult for he leans against common sense.
But what such "common sense"? Albert Einstein has made once such definition: «the Common sense is a set of biases which we get on reaching eighteen years». Historian Barbara Tachman (Barbara Tuchman) has devoted to the story about searches of the answer to this question the whole book. In the work under the name «The March of Folly» («a recklessness March») it has described five legendary nonsenses, switching on and delivery to not numerous group of Spaniards of army Montesuma, and the Grecian horse.
The common sense is capable to save you from some errors. But on what it precisely is not capable, so it of inspiring you on break. The common sense has no relation to great marketing innovations: neither to commodity checks, nor to addressing depositary certificates, to delivery of parcels for one night, to a vodka advertising campaign «Absolut».
They were created by sudden inspirations, imagination splashes.
The common sense can be useful, but breaks demand imagination.
We are mistaken where more often, than it seems to us, especially if we are absolutely assured of the correctness.
So often, that sociologists even have put into circulation the new term - a superconfidence syndrome - and have illustrated its action on set of examples. They set to people some question, and then asked respondents to estimate degree of their confidence of each of answers from 0 (is not assured) to 100 % absolutely assured).
What has occurred?
15 % of all answers of which respondents have been absolutely assured, have appeared wrong. So, as though you have been assured in something, in 15 % cases you are mistaken.
Results of this research can find at least three important applications for those who is engaged in planning. First, try to consider this 15 %-s' error in the business, reveal those areas where errors are constantly committed, and correct them.
The second, always call into question all decisions. Even if you are absolutely assured, you are not right more often.
And at last, do not allow another to influence the decisions and do not accept the point of view of the one who is assured more than others. Many people use confidence as belief means because they aspire to an individual victory. Some of them can be fair in the opinions, but honesty is completely not identical to correctness.
If you or someone in something is completely confident, call it into question.
9. Avoid perfection
Better a titmouse in hands, than a crane in the sky. We will reflect, whether probably all to us to agree and strictly to define, what there is "best"? What is the time will occupy discussions?
Even if possibility to agree exists, what is the time it is required to finish business and to receive this "best"? Whether probably in general quickly and effectively to reach it?
Business planning usually submits to "the Rule of the beginning of business»: all will manage twice more expensively and will demand twice the big time expenses, than it was expected. Whether you can dare to spend so much time and money?
Whether you are ready to offer something in other areas - a working environment, productivity, speed of delivery, - to reach the highest results in one?
Whether actual and potential clients will apprehend these efforts the same as also you? Whether it Is pleasant to them? Whether all is equal to them? The given change is how much important for them?
Aspire to excellent result, but not to perfection.
Skill wins perfection.
10. Be careful of common sense
One of heads entering into the list «Fortune 500» the companies somehow has come out with the assumption that in marketing there is nothing difficult for he leans against common sense.
But what such "common sense"? Albert Einstein has made once such definition: «the Common sense is a set of biases which we get on reaching eighteen years». Historian Barbara Tachman (Barbara Tuchman) has devoted to the story about searches of the answer to this question the whole book. In the work under the name «The March of Folly» («a recklessness March») it has described five legendary nonsenses, switching on and delivery to not numerous group of Spaniards of army Montesuma, and the Grecian horse.
The common sense is capable to save you from some errors. But on what it precisely is not capable, so it of inspiring you on break. The common sense has no relation to great marketing innovations: neither to commodity checks, nor to addressing depositary certificates, to delivery of parcels for one night, to a vodka advertising campaign «Absolut».
They were created by sudden inspirations, imagination splashes.
The common sense can be useful, but breaks demand imagination.
Praise to nonsense 2.
3. Yes nonsenses are well
Translucent, colours of ripe grapes the house computer? For what?
To land dozen people on it is artificial the created desert island to see, who from them will sustain intense rivalry and becomes «last hero»? Really millions will wish to watch their struggle on the TV? Be such cannot.
To give $3,75 for a coffee cup? It is frivolous.
People like novelties and something especial. Why? Because it forces them to feel more progressive, brings novelty aspects in their lives. One only that you have offered something revolutionary that to you did not manage to make anybody, allows to make a huge step forward.
Be not afraid to do nonsense.
4. Resist to the power
Let's collect in one room eight persons and we will look, what will occur? Command will be incurred by alpha leaders.
In summary ideas introduced in your company are not result of synthesis of offers of all employees, and proceed from the alpha leaders existing in any to a cell of creations, which "mission" - capture and power deduction.
Whether but "alphas" possess creative or strategic thinking? By no means unessentially. They are created for the power. In the majority they only look the most powerful. As practice, the "more long" growth the graduate of business school, the above its initial salary shows.
If you belong to "Alpha" "family", study to show restraint.
Listening to "power" words, you are anyhow focused on the past, that has once allowed to become successful. But it is far not all successful "medicines" in the past save the validity and today. So, buyers can be extremely dissatisfied. If you have followed the tastes of the power, you risk only to repeat the last scenario and to lose the clients.
Call in question the power (silently).
5. Not too trust experts
There is one remarkable joke concerning qualification of economists: «Experts in the field of economy have successfully predicted thirteen of last six recessions».
Meteorologists can assure you that the probability of a rain is insignificant, while you, having looked out of a window, substitute a head under water streams.
Experts of film studio Universal predicted also a failure of "Star wars».
What does the person by the expert? Possession a considerable quantity of the information and solid experience. But in what limits? Very often we see two experts taking opposite positions almost on any question, and each of them is armed by the necessary information in support of own words.
Expert George Soros, one of the richest people in the world and the most known investor, have been so assured of crash of global capitalism that has written the book about the future accident. In two years after its issue the author was convinced, that capitalism prospers, and has declared in interview to the newspaper «New York Times», that he was mistaken.
Be careful of councils of experts. Too often experts estimate the given situation, leaning on the previous experience. But every time when we try to apply lessons which we have taken from our experience, to the decision of the problem which have risen today, apparently, in accuracy repeating once already arising, leaves nothing.
Call in question statements of experts.
6. Be careful of "science"
Very often we hear that «According to results of researches...»
Researches are not a science as that, and the majority of data in them in general about what do not speak. Researches advise more likely, offer a support on logic.
We overestimate possibilities of researches, especially if their results are expressed in concrete figures. «The majority of people prefer to have round-the-clock access to the Internet», - for us sounds unpersuasively enough. «Five of six interrogated prefer to have round-the-clock access to the Network», - it is much better. «83,3 % of respondents would like to have round-the-clock access to the Internet», - sounds for us as the statement for the come true scientific fact, as the guide to action though this statement identically previous and represents interpretation of the same research.
Do not trust researches. They allow to understand, what exactly is pleasant to consumers, only in rare instances.
7. Do not trust experience
Long years doctor Stephen Dzhej Gould (Stephen Jay Gould) carefully stored darlings to heart of memoirs on how they with the father sat on steps of the well-known tennis centre in Forest to Hilla, behind line of Manhattan in Queens. Once he walked on the old quarter and has casually seen these steps.
They conducted to a dilapidated door with the tablet «Transportations and Muller's warehousing».
We remember things which never occurred. As the proof we refer often to events which proceeded at all how we remember them.
In the book «The Seven Sins of Memory» («Seven sins of memory») Daniel Schacter on set of examples shows, how much badly we remember events occurring to us. To take at least last researches when DNA analysis has revealed, that in 90 % of cases the identification witnesses of criminals was erroneous. And it in spite of the fact that witnesses «saw all own eyes», that we are inclined to regard as the incontestable proof.
We read about a tulip fever in the Netherlands when some Dutches spread the whole conditions for the one and only bulb. To you does not come to mind a parallel with a modern securities market as the action to remind there were very strongly tulips?
And then we get acquainted with job «Famous First Bubbles» («the First well-known" a bubble "») Peter Garbera (Peter Garbef) and we learn, that «obsession tulips» was completely not such what we represented it to ourselves many years. Sudden falling of the prices for bulbs of tulips has not rendered negative influence on economy. Yes, a fantastic sum paid for them, but them are ready to give and today. One buyer who has not named has paid recently for acquisition of one bulb of $700.000. Such phenomena as a tulip fever, an orchid a fever and to it similar, were, are and will be
Our experience, like our representations about gamble on tulips, to a visual identification and memoirs about Forest to Hilla, sometimes at all is not experience. These are inventions about which we read or wrote to which we concern as the come true events
Do not trust neither to the experience, nor memory.
Continuation in a following post.
Translucent, colours of ripe grapes the house computer? For what?
To land dozen people on it is artificial the created desert island to see, who from them will sustain intense rivalry and becomes «last hero»? Really millions will wish to watch their struggle on the TV? Be such cannot.
To give $3,75 for a coffee cup? It is frivolous.
People like novelties and something especial. Why? Because it forces them to feel more progressive, brings novelty aspects in their lives. One only that you have offered something revolutionary that to you did not manage to make anybody, allows to make a huge step forward.
Be not afraid to do nonsense.
4. Resist to the power
Let's collect in one room eight persons and we will look, what will occur? Command will be incurred by alpha leaders.
In summary ideas introduced in your company are not result of synthesis of offers of all employees, and proceed from the alpha leaders existing in any to a cell of creations, which "mission" - capture and power deduction.
Whether but "alphas" possess creative or strategic thinking? By no means unessentially. They are created for the power. In the majority they only look the most powerful. As practice, the "more long" growth the graduate of business school, the above its initial salary shows.
If you belong to "Alpha" "family", study to show restraint.
Listening to "power" words, you are anyhow focused on the past, that has once allowed to become successful. But it is far not all successful "medicines" in the past save the validity and today. So, buyers can be extremely dissatisfied. If you have followed the tastes of the power, you risk only to repeat the last scenario and to lose the clients.
Call in question the power (silently).
5. Not too trust experts
There is one remarkable joke concerning qualification of economists: «Experts in the field of economy have successfully predicted thirteen of last six recessions».
Meteorologists can assure you that the probability of a rain is insignificant, while you, having looked out of a window, substitute a head under water streams.
Experts of film studio Universal predicted also a failure of "Star wars».
What does the person by the expert? Possession a considerable quantity of the information and solid experience. But in what limits? Very often we see two experts taking opposite positions almost on any question, and each of them is armed by the necessary information in support of own words.
Expert George Soros, one of the richest people in the world and the most known investor, have been so assured of crash of global capitalism that has written the book about the future accident. In two years after its issue the author was convinced, that capitalism prospers, and has declared in interview to the newspaper «New York Times», that he was mistaken.
Be careful of councils of experts. Too often experts estimate the given situation, leaning on the previous experience. But every time when we try to apply lessons which we have taken from our experience, to the decision of the problem which have risen today, apparently, in accuracy repeating once already arising, leaves nothing.
Call in question statements of experts.
6. Be careful of "science"
Very often we hear that «According to results of researches...»
Researches are not a science as that, and the majority of data in them in general about what do not speak. Researches advise more likely, offer a support on logic.
We overestimate possibilities of researches, especially if their results are expressed in concrete figures. «The majority of people prefer to have round-the-clock access to the Internet», - for us sounds unpersuasively enough. «Five of six interrogated prefer to have round-the-clock access to the Network», - it is much better. «83,3 % of respondents would like to have round-the-clock access to the Internet», - sounds for us as the statement for the come true scientific fact, as the guide to action though this statement identically previous and represents interpretation of the same research.
Do not trust researches. They allow to understand, what exactly is pleasant to consumers, only in rare instances.
7. Do not trust experience
Long years doctor Stephen Dzhej Gould (Stephen Jay Gould) carefully stored darlings to heart of memoirs on how they with the father sat on steps of the well-known tennis centre in Forest to Hilla, behind line of Manhattan in Queens. Once he walked on the old quarter and has casually seen these steps.
They conducted to a dilapidated door with the tablet «Transportations and Muller's warehousing».
We remember things which never occurred. As the proof we refer often to events which proceeded at all how we remember them.
In the book «The Seven Sins of Memory» («Seven sins of memory») Daniel Schacter on set of examples shows, how much badly we remember events occurring to us. To take at least last researches when DNA analysis has revealed, that in 90 % of cases the identification witnesses of criminals was erroneous. And it in spite of the fact that witnesses «saw all own eyes», that we are inclined to regard as the incontestable proof.
We read about a tulip fever in the Netherlands when some Dutches spread the whole conditions for the one and only bulb. To you does not come to mind a parallel with a modern securities market as the action to remind there were very strongly tulips?
And then we get acquainted with job «Famous First Bubbles» («the First well-known" a bubble "») Peter Garbera (Peter Garbef) and we learn, that «obsession tulips» was completely not such what we represented it to ourselves many years. Sudden falling of the prices for bulbs of tulips has not rendered negative influence on economy. Yes, a fantastic sum paid for them, but them are ready to give and today. One buyer who has not named has paid recently for acquisition of one bulb of $700.000. Such phenomena as a tulip fever, an orchid a fever and to it similar, were, are and will be
Our experience, like our representations about gamble on tulips, to a visual identification and memoirs about Forest to Hilla, sometimes at all is not experience. These are inventions about which we read or wrote to which we concern as the come true events
Do not trust neither to the experience, nor memory.
Continuation in a following post.
Praise to nonsense.
This article represents you perfect alternative to study on own errors: study as mine.
1. Forget about the future
Once experts asserted, that telecommunication distribution will lead to a world peace establishment, disappearance of accent at inhabitants of the American South and to basic changes in realisation of surgical operations.
And according to writer Herbert Wells, phones should lead to movement normalisation in city streets as necessity of concentration of a labour for large cities will disappear.
The inventor of phone Alexander Bell has appeared hardly probable not further all from true, after all it considered the offered novelty as the device for transfer of musical concerts.
Conversation possibility between being for thousand kilometres from each other people was already obvious, but accuracy of predictions has not raised at all. The telephone companies considered, that passing voices devices will be used only for business negotiations. And if someone would like to call the friends simply to chat? Absurdity, time waste. Such be simple cannot.
As though we got accustomed to a certain subject, we are not capable to expect its future precisely.
It is not necessary to adhere your planning to assumptions of the possible future as the death and taxes are inevitable only. Leave all assumptions for the sake of one, but invariably fair: people will be always ready to pay the money that is necessary them to liking. Plan to create something, that is pleasant to consumers, and the future will place all in the places (as it always and occurs).
Plan within the limits of that you are really capable to foresee: that people will grow fond.
2. Stop up - yes, stop up - ears
Authors of the big textbooks for years learnt us, that a condition of creation of innovations is ability to listen and hear consumers.
Stop.
Every day wishes leaning on stated clients the American manufacturers carry out those or other changes. But on the conservative estimates, 85 % from them are simply useless, and introduction of some leads to opposite planned results.
Widespread council «attentively listen» is based on the erroneous assumption according to which people say that they think. It hardly. Many of us say often only that will allow us to present itself in more favourable light. And in the opinion of researchers spending interrogations too. Almost anybody from interrogated people does not admit that he abuses alcohol, will not give the truthful information on the expenses. Thousand cinema halls sobbing in darkness over a film «On an outcome of day» («The Remains of the Day») men in words persistently insisted on that, what is it a silly film for little girls. And only few of fans of cookies «Twinkies» frankly admit the predilection.
The second error which conceals in itself council «attentively listen», consists that people realise what exactly they want, and are capable to express the desires correctly. When we try to comprehend ourselves often we are at a deadlock and we understand, how the rights was Karry from a serial «Sex and the City» («Sex in the big city»), reflecting in the second series of the third season:
«Isn't that so, it is strange, what we know all about the friends to trifles, but resolutely we understand nothing in to ourselves?»
We are confused. Many people of all age try «to find themselves», but find - rather seldom. Karry and F.Nitsshe were right:
«All our life - the riddle, and the greatest secret are we for itself».
To listen to wishes of consumers it is necessary, but from shares of healthy scepticism.
Throughout several decades psychologists assert, that words only mislead us. Where the information received by us by means of bodies of sight is more truthful. «The life proceeds at level of events, instead of words», - well-known psychologist Alfred Adler has told somehow.
Trust only to real events.
Will suffice to listen, look. To break through all protective layers to the latent human desires, peer more steadfastly. Become the researcher in full sense of this word. Learn to look at usual things so that to see hardly more than all the others.
Stop up ears and address in sight.
Continuation in a following post.
1. Forget about the future
Once experts asserted, that telecommunication distribution will lead to a world peace establishment, disappearance of accent at inhabitants of the American South and to basic changes in realisation of surgical operations.
And according to writer Herbert Wells, phones should lead to movement normalisation in city streets as necessity of concentration of a labour for large cities will disappear.
The inventor of phone Alexander Bell has appeared hardly probable not further all from true, after all it considered the offered novelty as the device for transfer of musical concerts.
Conversation possibility between being for thousand kilometres from each other people was already obvious, but accuracy of predictions has not raised at all. The telephone companies considered, that passing voices devices will be used only for business negotiations. And if someone would like to call the friends simply to chat? Absurdity, time waste. Such be simple cannot.
As though we got accustomed to a certain subject, we are not capable to expect its future precisely.
It is not necessary to adhere your planning to assumptions of the possible future as the death and taxes are inevitable only. Leave all assumptions for the sake of one, but invariably fair: people will be always ready to pay the money that is necessary them to liking. Plan to create something, that is pleasant to consumers, and the future will place all in the places (as it always and occurs).
Plan within the limits of that you are really capable to foresee: that people will grow fond.
2. Stop up - yes, stop up - ears
Authors of the big textbooks for years learnt us, that a condition of creation of innovations is ability to listen and hear consumers.
Stop.
Every day wishes leaning on stated clients the American manufacturers carry out those or other changes. But on the conservative estimates, 85 % from them are simply useless, and introduction of some leads to opposite planned results.
Widespread council «attentively listen» is based on the erroneous assumption according to which people say that they think. It hardly. Many of us say often only that will allow us to present itself in more favourable light. And in the opinion of researchers spending interrogations too. Almost anybody from interrogated people does not admit that he abuses alcohol, will not give the truthful information on the expenses. Thousand cinema halls sobbing in darkness over a film «On an outcome of day» («The Remains of the Day») men in words persistently insisted on that, what is it a silly film for little girls. And only few of fans of cookies «Twinkies» frankly admit the predilection.
The second error which conceals in itself council «attentively listen», consists that people realise what exactly they want, and are capable to express the desires correctly. When we try to comprehend ourselves often we are at a deadlock and we understand, how the rights was Karry from a serial «Sex and the City» («Sex in the big city»), reflecting in the second series of the third season:
«Isn't that so, it is strange, what we know all about the friends to trifles, but resolutely we understand nothing in to ourselves?»
We are confused. Many people of all age try «to find themselves», but find - rather seldom. Karry and F.Nitsshe were right:
«All our life - the riddle, and the greatest secret are we for itself».
To listen to wishes of consumers it is necessary, but from shares of healthy scepticism.
Throughout several decades psychologists assert, that words only mislead us. Where the information received by us by means of bodies of sight is more truthful. «The life proceeds at level of events, instead of words», - well-known psychologist Alfred Adler has told somehow.
Trust only to real events.
Will suffice to listen, look. To break through all protective layers to the latent human desires, peer more steadfastly. Become the researcher in full sense of this word. Learn to look at usual things so that to see hardly more than all the others.
Stop up ears and address in sight.
Continuation in a following post.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Training of nerves and feelings.
First of all think, what stirs to your psychological comfort? Remember five precepts, helping with a life and job.
1. Wake up for itself. If all of you time give only to business you are the dead, mechanical person-automatic machine. You do not live, and exist. Remember that you live in the business world, but not only for business.
2. Feel the live world. If you have forgotten, as new-mown hay smells or the stream murmurs, means, your sense organs are dimmed by a veil of other, lifeless world - the world of symbols and figures. Erase this veil and look at the live world not through a prism of money, and through a soul prism.
3. Divide your condition of the house and at job. The majority of businessmen, leaving office, continue to think about business, that is, on a being, to conduct a business life. The richest person of the world Aristotle Onassis repeated, that at job it is necessary to be another, than houses. If you can divide sincere "I" into two half remain the owner of the soul and no losses in business will break it. It is a guarantee of your mental health.
4. Actively work over itself. If you have noticed, that your mental condition has changed because of weariness, quarrel or unpleasant news, try to restore it as soon as possible. It is better to patch an organism on the move, than to wait, when it will break. Your vital position in relation to itself should be active. Wins the prepared. Is better to use the philosophy of contemplation extended among the Japanese businessmen and to try not to notice as though stresses, easier to behold them. Remember, in the world there is no bad weather, there are only people badly perceiving it. Operate are one of the best ways to calm down.
5. Learn to worry business crises. Imagine, that your present crisis is an illness of your growth. Crisis will disappear, and your life proceeds. As though hard was, do not give in to a panic. Whether and so your damage is great? And can be, in a year you look at this situation other eyes and will tell, what it was necessary to begin all at first? And in five years, probably, it will not have at all for you value.
Exercises
Psychological training offered by the Russian psychologists (in our updating) will be revealed, how much you by the skilful and thoughtful partner in various kinds of business contacts, and will relieve you of many lacks. If this or that exercise is given hardly, he should be repeated repeatedly. You stop such training only after the specific feeling will disappear: «to me it is difficult». Psychological training switches on following exercises:
1. «A smile of the businessman». In what mood you would not wake up, detain a sight at the person in a mirror and make a smile which will be attractive to you and your partners. If it is impossible, keep in mind, that people can perceive you as haughty or even the malicious person, will not reach for you. You, probably, do not manage dialogue at game level, and so, you happen tiresomely boring. Certainly, your right - to remain such what you are. But then do not complain about malevolence of associates.
2. «The real businessman». Arrange two mirrors so that to see itself in a profile. Force itself not to smarten up: stoop, do not stick out a chin, take a mouth slightly opened, a sight the disseminated... Try to accept itself in this not smart kind. Difficultly? Means, it is not excluded, that you are not able to estimate realistically what you see to your partners in business.
3. «Reading of another's nerves». During reception, a banquet get accustomed to someone's person. Try to make so that your interest to the person remained for it not noticed. If it is impossible, means, at you, perhaps, not the delicate sight, and it limits communications possibilities. Hence, not importunate studying of the stranger by a sight should become for you ordinary exercise. (It is natural, it is necessary to look away there and then if you have noticed). But it still, so to say, preliminary test. The main thing consists in the following: try to imagine the studied person smiling, grieved, derisive, angry, frightened, full of tenderness. The one who is not able to imagine it (being based on momentary expression of the real person), possibly, not quite understands change of feelings and moods with the person of the partners, subordinates and especially competitors.
4. «Quarrel of the businessman». At casual quarrel (for example, during business negotiations) force, are right you or not, easy to say "is guilty" or "excuse", and then to become silent, how the partner swore. Examine a floor, a ceiling, a kind from a window. From the point of view of associates who is silent, behaves more adequately the one who rages so even its partners will take your side... Cannot restrain? Means, you either are too self-assured, or are too mentally unstable. Both that and another - a hindrance to dialogue. Give itself pledge: within a month (or year) to bring up at itself in similar cases calmness and endurance.
5. «A joke of the businessman». Test the ability to joke in intense conditions. To the one who during a banquet leans on you the case, tell with a smile: «I look, you go as an elephant». Intonation of this remark and the mimicry at a pronunciation should be rehearsed in advance before a mirror. Exercise has a feedback: if tone is taken correct, the partner, as a rule, picks up a joke. If the remark is not has gone right, or the partner is adjusted especially aggressively, there is a situation described in previous, fourth, the exercise, and you can use this situation for training and endurance.
6. «Approval of the businessman». Look narrowly at how any stranger works, and force itself to express it the approval. For example, the saleswoman, quickly and skilfully cutting cheese, tell with a smile: «it is dexterous at you it turns out». Cannot dare? Should be, you are inclined to contact of masks (the standardised level of dialogue) instead of emotional interaction with the partner. Tone of your approval should be not patronising, but friendly and hardly envious (me supposedly so to be able). Exercise has a feedback: patronising-indulgent notes to you will answer with a curve smile, an unfriendly sight or roughness. From here a conclusion: it is necessary to practise further.
7. «Reading of another's soul». In a circle of friends give itself the task nobody to interrupt and attentively to listen to the speaking. Listening, reflect: «Why he speaks it? Oars or pretends to be? It is sad or pretends? Whether has the latent purpose of the statement? What?» Imagine, that it are you. Imagine, what you see now his eyes. Be adjusted not to condemn thus the person and not to search for lines of "superiority" over it. Simply penetrate into its sincere condition... Does not leave? It is not possible to carry out own task? Probably, you are too absorbed by yourselves and in conversation listen more likely, than the interlocutor but as soon as at you it has started to turn out, you will see amazing results - another's soul will cease to be for you darkness.
8. «Refusal of the businessman». In dialogue with friends test the ability to give up to them in their request. For example, to you offer: «we Will go to restaurant», and you, having put on the important kind, answer: « It should be discussed comprehensively. Come tomorrow ». If the interlocutor shows you the indignation cease to act up and answer seriously. This small acting accustoms you to own a situation. So you win a small pause before the answer in difficult dialogue. During a pause the interlocutor checks itself: whether so about what he asks is required to it; you for these seconds have in a head the best formulation of refusal, it will sound is not insulting-is affable, and is quiet. (People not so much refusal, how much angry, hostile tone of refusal) offends. If this exercise is impossible to you, you, most likely, are not able to answer« no », not offending so, are compelled to follow the tastes of others (in particular, at manipulators). One more variant of exercise on possession of a situation: talking to other businessman on a theme, not too important for both of you, look at hours and easy tell:« Excuse, I hurry up, we will finish speaking next time ». With these words immediately leave.
9. "Will gain". If your business negotiations go hardly, try to translate gradually conversation about everything to spiritual level of dialogue. Start with possibilities of the concrete partner. We will admit, he is not inclined to speak about music or the literature as does not understand them, but it is not indifferent to the nature. Induce its remarks, and the main thing - attentive hearing that it has expressed the relation to a discussed theme. "Turn" to personal with revival of memoirs and undercover meditations marks occurrence of spiritual "tonality" in your negotiations; try to move further on this way, in turn sharing with the partner something personal... Be not able? You extremely badly carry on negotiations. There is a fear, that you are haughty and unreasonably lose possibility faster and more effectively to conclude the contract.
10. «The analysis of the circle of contacts». According to ancient wisdom, original comprehension of a sincere life of others is accessible only to the one who is simultaneously connected by friendly bonds (friendly, instead of official or family) at least with one: the coeval, the person is younger; much more youngly; the child; the person is more senior; is much more senior; the old man (or the elderly woman). This simple, but psychologically deep true as it is sad, much should open for themselves anew. Inability to maintain friendly relations, for example with the teenager or with the old man, can say about stagnancy and narrowness of your mood on others, that, perhaps, does you by not too interesting interlocutor in any situations.
The person, to whom without effort (or after the period of exercises) are given nine-ten of the resulted twelve exercises, can consider the nerves and feelings trained. Moreover, he will see, that such trifles seeming at first sight have sharply set its business uphill.
1. Wake up for itself. If all of you time give only to business you are the dead, mechanical person-automatic machine. You do not live, and exist. Remember that you live in the business world, but not only for business.
2. Feel the live world. If you have forgotten, as new-mown hay smells or the stream murmurs, means, your sense organs are dimmed by a veil of other, lifeless world - the world of symbols and figures. Erase this veil and look at the live world not through a prism of money, and through a soul prism.
3. Divide your condition of the house and at job. The majority of businessmen, leaving office, continue to think about business, that is, on a being, to conduct a business life. The richest person of the world Aristotle Onassis repeated, that at job it is necessary to be another, than houses. If you can divide sincere "I" into two half remain the owner of the soul and no losses in business will break it. It is a guarantee of your mental health.
4. Actively work over itself. If you have noticed, that your mental condition has changed because of weariness, quarrel or unpleasant news, try to restore it as soon as possible. It is better to patch an organism on the move, than to wait, when it will break. Your vital position in relation to itself should be active. Wins the prepared. Is better to use the philosophy of contemplation extended among the Japanese businessmen and to try not to notice as though stresses, easier to behold them. Remember, in the world there is no bad weather, there are only people badly perceiving it. Operate are one of the best ways to calm down.
5. Learn to worry business crises. Imagine, that your present crisis is an illness of your growth. Crisis will disappear, and your life proceeds. As though hard was, do not give in to a panic. Whether and so your damage is great? And can be, in a year you look at this situation other eyes and will tell, what it was necessary to begin all at first? And in five years, probably, it will not have at all for you value.
Exercises
Psychological training offered by the Russian psychologists (in our updating) will be revealed, how much you by the skilful and thoughtful partner in various kinds of business contacts, and will relieve you of many lacks. If this or that exercise is given hardly, he should be repeated repeatedly. You stop such training only after the specific feeling will disappear: «to me it is difficult». Psychological training switches on following exercises:
1. «A smile of the businessman». In what mood you would not wake up, detain a sight at the person in a mirror and make a smile which will be attractive to you and your partners. If it is impossible, keep in mind, that people can perceive you as haughty or even the malicious person, will not reach for you. You, probably, do not manage dialogue at game level, and so, you happen tiresomely boring. Certainly, your right - to remain such what you are. But then do not complain about malevolence of associates.
2. «The real businessman». Arrange two mirrors so that to see itself in a profile. Force itself not to smarten up: stoop, do not stick out a chin, take a mouth slightly opened, a sight the disseminated... Try to accept itself in this not smart kind. Difficultly? Means, it is not excluded, that you are not able to estimate realistically what you see to your partners in business.
3. «Reading of another's nerves». During reception, a banquet get accustomed to someone's person. Try to make so that your interest to the person remained for it not noticed. If it is impossible, means, at you, perhaps, not the delicate sight, and it limits communications possibilities. Hence, not importunate studying of the stranger by a sight should become for you ordinary exercise. (It is natural, it is necessary to look away there and then if you have noticed). But it still, so to say, preliminary test. The main thing consists in the following: try to imagine the studied person smiling, grieved, derisive, angry, frightened, full of tenderness. The one who is not able to imagine it (being based on momentary expression of the real person), possibly, not quite understands change of feelings and moods with the person of the partners, subordinates and especially competitors.
4. «Quarrel of the businessman». At casual quarrel (for example, during business negotiations) force, are right you or not, easy to say "is guilty" or "excuse", and then to become silent, how the partner swore. Examine a floor, a ceiling, a kind from a window. From the point of view of associates who is silent, behaves more adequately the one who rages so even its partners will take your side... Cannot restrain? Means, you either are too self-assured, or are too mentally unstable. Both that and another - a hindrance to dialogue. Give itself pledge: within a month (or year) to bring up at itself in similar cases calmness and endurance.
5. «A joke of the businessman». Test the ability to joke in intense conditions. To the one who during a banquet leans on you the case, tell with a smile: «I look, you go as an elephant». Intonation of this remark and the mimicry at a pronunciation should be rehearsed in advance before a mirror. Exercise has a feedback: if tone is taken correct, the partner, as a rule, picks up a joke. If the remark is not has gone right, or the partner is adjusted especially aggressively, there is a situation described in previous, fourth, the exercise, and you can use this situation for training and endurance.
6. «Approval of the businessman». Look narrowly at how any stranger works, and force itself to express it the approval. For example, the saleswoman, quickly and skilfully cutting cheese, tell with a smile: «it is dexterous at you it turns out». Cannot dare? Should be, you are inclined to contact of masks (the standardised level of dialogue) instead of emotional interaction with the partner. Tone of your approval should be not patronising, but friendly and hardly envious (me supposedly so to be able). Exercise has a feedback: patronising-indulgent notes to you will answer with a curve smile, an unfriendly sight or roughness. From here a conclusion: it is necessary to practise further.
7. «Reading of another's soul». In a circle of friends give itself the task nobody to interrupt and attentively to listen to the speaking. Listening, reflect: «Why he speaks it? Oars or pretends to be? It is sad or pretends? Whether has the latent purpose of the statement? What?» Imagine, that it are you. Imagine, what you see now his eyes. Be adjusted not to condemn thus the person and not to search for lines of "superiority" over it. Simply penetrate into its sincere condition... Does not leave? It is not possible to carry out own task? Probably, you are too absorbed by yourselves and in conversation listen more likely, than the interlocutor but as soon as at you it has started to turn out, you will see amazing results - another's soul will cease to be for you darkness.
8. «Refusal of the businessman». In dialogue with friends test the ability to give up to them in their request. For example, to you offer: «we Will go to restaurant», and you, having put on the important kind, answer: « It should be discussed comprehensively. Come tomorrow ». If the interlocutor shows you the indignation cease to act up and answer seriously. This small acting accustoms you to own a situation. So you win a small pause before the answer in difficult dialogue. During a pause the interlocutor checks itself: whether so about what he asks is required to it; you for these seconds have in a head the best formulation of refusal, it will sound is not insulting-is affable, and is quiet. (People not so much refusal, how much angry, hostile tone of refusal) offends. If this exercise is impossible to you, you, most likely, are not able to answer« no », not offending so, are compelled to follow the tastes of others (in particular, at manipulators). One more variant of exercise on possession of a situation: talking to other businessman on a theme, not too important for both of you, look at hours and easy tell:« Excuse, I hurry up, we will finish speaking next time ». With these words immediately leave.
9. "Will gain". If your business negotiations go hardly, try to translate gradually conversation about everything to spiritual level of dialogue. Start with possibilities of the concrete partner. We will admit, he is not inclined to speak about music or the literature as does not understand them, but it is not indifferent to the nature. Induce its remarks, and the main thing - attentive hearing that it has expressed the relation to a discussed theme. "Turn" to personal with revival of memoirs and undercover meditations marks occurrence of spiritual "tonality" in your negotiations; try to move further on this way, in turn sharing with the partner something personal... Be not able? You extremely badly carry on negotiations. There is a fear, that you are haughty and unreasonably lose possibility faster and more effectively to conclude the contract.
10. «The analysis of the circle of contacts». According to ancient wisdom, original comprehension of a sincere life of others is accessible only to the one who is simultaneously connected by friendly bonds (friendly, instead of official or family) at least with one: the coeval, the person is younger; much more youngly; the child; the person is more senior; is much more senior; the old man (or the elderly woman). This simple, but psychologically deep true as it is sad, much should open for themselves anew. Inability to maintain friendly relations, for example with the teenager or with the old man, can say about stagnancy and narrowness of your mood on others, that, perhaps, does you by not too interesting interlocutor in any situations.
The person, to whom without effort (or after the period of exercises) are given nine-ten of the resulted twelve exercises, can consider the nerves and feelings trained. Moreover, he will see, that such trifles seeming at first sight have sharply set its business uphill.
Friday, July 11, 2008
As the thinking influences health.
People spend a large quantity of money and time, trying to prolong the life and to make its more healthy and active. They read the newest editions devoted to questions of health, swallow of vitamins, eat healthy food, run and visit aerobics clubs. We apply a large quantity of efforts, trying to avoid stresses to lower cholesterol level in blood, to clear the corked arteries, to raise capacity of lungs, to avoid consequences of an overeating and atmosphere pollution. But I am assured, that the way of our thinking influences health much more, than any of these factors.
You can sceptically concern such statement. How something can so intangible how thought, to influence such dense matter how a body? However the psychosomatic medicine from this proceeds. Certainly, not all illnesses have a psychological origin. Illness can overtake you without dependence how you think, feel and operate. Nevertheless the way of your thinking can essentially influence health in two quite proved ways.
First, the thinking influences quantity of worried stresses, and secondly, it defines the behaviour concerning maintenance of health.
It is quite obvious, that if you eat is better, train more, enough time give to a dream, avoid smoking and other drugs and accept safety measures from venereal diseases, you considerably increase the chances of health preservation. If your thoughts influence health in these two basic moments, from here follows, that increase of constructibility of thinking can improve your health.
As thoughts influence your body
Why heart fights faster when it is necessary to act in public? Why we redden, when we test confusion? Why our muscles strain, when us ask to make something, what it is not pleasant to us? Why the cat curves a back, shows a teeth and hisses, when it is threatened with danger?
Emotions switch on psychological reaction as preparation for certain actions. When you are frightened, your body will be mobilised for flight; when you are angry, your body will be mobilised for an attack; when you are in a depression condition, your body will be mobilised (or will get demobilise) for evasion from active actions; and when you are happy, it will be mobilised for hyperactivity.
If you could estimate a condition of your organism during the moments of strong excitation would note changes occurring simultaneously: pressure of muscles, tachycardia, salivation reduction, sugar and adrenaline emission in blood, increase in coagulability of blood, outflow of blood from integuments, in particular on hands and feet. The last explains, why skiers fearing descent freeze more than self-assured.
All these reactions have developed in the course of evolution to prepare an animal for actions in critical situations. The speeded up breath and palpitation give the chance to you to operate more vigorously. Pressure of muscles will mobilise them for intensive loading. Sugar emission in blood gives immediate inflow of energy, and adrenaline receipt raises activity of other important systems. During danger your organism does not require energy inflow to the bodies of digestion delivering energy «long action»; during such moments fast inflow of energy is necessary to you. Increase of coagulability of blood and its outflow from a body surface reduce loss of blood in case of wound.
Influence of thinking on physiological processes so is great, that there is no necessity to prove it by means of the difficult labware. Everything, that for this purpose is necessary, - attentively to look at itself. When you are excited - for example, before performance or the important examination, - your fingers become colder (can check up it, having put hands to temples). You can become covered cold then and feel dryness in a mouth (because salivation - a part of digestive process which stops at this time). Often it is possible to note changes of a rhythm of palpitation and breath. You can notice also, that as a result of muscular pressure coordination of movements has worsened and you not in a condition to spend an equal line. And all these changes are called only by disturbing thoughts. Think differently, and reactions will calm down.
Thoughts can call not only fear, but also anger together with physiological reactions peculiar to it. Pay attention, that when people become angry, their body strains, movements become sharp, a voice loud, the person reddens and sometimes hands and a teeth is compressed. Than such stimulation of all body is called? It only the thoughts called by interpretation of someone's words (which in itself are only expression of thoughts).
Someone has told something, that is has made the sound waves, which in itself are harmless until they will not be interpreted by the person to whom these words intended. Right after it in its brain there will be reciprocal thoughts such: «As he dares so about me to speak! I will force it to take the words back that it costed to me!». These thoughts call the intensive emotions supplemented with corresponding physiological reactions. If you have got used to react thus, be assured, that subject the organism to fair loading and do to it much bigger harm, than your opponent.
Propensity to redden at confusion is well appreciable physiological reaction called exclusively by thoughts. When you interpret something as "shameful", blood is said directly. As though you tried to hide the confusion, everyone understands, that you think, as if have made a laughing-stock of yourself. The most widespread cases of confusion as I have found out, are called by thoughts that you have appeared at all on a kind in an awkward kind. People seldom redden alone with themselves, in the room. It is the social reaction called by sensitivity to opinion of other people.
If thoughts and interpretations call grief or depression, muscles lose a tone, movements are slowed down, speech by time becomes such silent and deprived all intonation, that she is difficult for understanding. These physiological reactions prepare a body for passivity and inactivity - to the conditions called by thoughts on feebleness, hopelessness and weakness.
Influence of consciousness on health and illness
We have established, that between thoughts and emotions and between emotions and physiological reactions there is a primary close connection. In this connection it would be strange, if thoughts did not influence in any way our health. The example is an influence of mood and emotional conditions on sugar level in blood at the people, suffering a diabetes. Regulation of level of sugar in blood depends not only on the balanced diet, exercises and insulin injections. Irritation, stress, conflicts to associates and sudden changes illness of kidneys or sight loss can call sudden change of level of sugar that can lead to a diabetic coma and chronic complications, such as infringements of job of heart.
In representation about the nature of psychosomatic frustration there is nothing imagined. Psychosomatic frustration - not so imaginary illnesses. These are the real physiological infringements called or aggravated with tightened stress not adaptive way of thinking can be which reason. The psychosomatic medicine does not deny influence of other factors, such as a heredity, a food, physical overloads and the toxic or infected environment, but adds to them psychological stress, as one more important factor influencing illness. Psychological factors, as well as any others, can influence in different degree health (or illness) each concrete person.
Numerous researches confirm, that the way of thinking can influence a physical condition of the person. It is quite proved, that the people inclined to pessimism, having the low self-estimation, considering, that them the events perceiving difficult situations with fear operate, not having in the vital luggage of considerable achievements, the others is more often suffer from headaches, illnesses of a stomach and a backbone, than. Besides, the people thinking destructively, are constant clients of medical institutions.
How the constructive thinking improves health
Researches give more detailed representation about how the thinking influences health.
As a rule, owners of constructive thinking inform on smaller quantity of usual painful symptoms, than representatives of destructive type. They suffer from respiratory infections, skin illnesses, a diarrhoeia, pains in a stomach, headaches, locks and pains in a back less often. Those students who differed good constructive thinking, addressed for the help in a student's polyclinic much less often. Besides they have been more satisfied by the health, got to dangerous situations less often, passed employment through illness and had less problems connected with an overeating and a drug taking and alcohol, - the certificate of that they conducted more healthy way of life.
It is not surprising, that among components of constructive thinking management of emotions associates with a susceptibility to widespread painful symptoms more closely. Those who badly consults with the emotions, inform on much bigger quantity of symptoms, than people emotionally counterbalanced.
Personal superstitions also make the big impact on health problems. It is probable, this results from the fact that personal superstitions are closely connected with depression. These facts confirm my belief that the basic link between destructive thinking and physical illnesses - negative emotions.
The thinking influences health also in some other way - by means of the influence on style of a life and the relation to health. Well organised people also suffer from painful symptoms though and concede emotionally counterbalanced a little less. Nevertheless they even supervise such destructive behaviour, as an overeating is better. The disorganised people cannot cope often with a habit to a gluttony because of bad self-discipline.
This relation between destructive thinking and an unhealthy way of life quite clearly. The people having a low self-estimation, convinced that they in any way in a condition to affect the life, or the deprived aspirations to the perspective purpose (examples of destructive thinking), are not inclined to care of themselves. To what these efforts if I all the same the utterly worthless person and my actions can change nothing?
The people thinking destructively, can not go for years to the dentist, not care of a high-grade food, it is not enough sleep and not be engaged in physical culture. They are inclined to search for short-term pleasures and ignore long consequences that leads to drunkenness, smoking, a narcotism, a chaotic food and unreasonable risk, such as neglect protective means at sexual contacts. And when such behaviour leads to illness, they can be not able to undertake constructive actions to increase chances of recover
As the constructive thinking influences illnesses of heart and a cancer
The most dramatic proofs of influence of negative thinking on health are connected with "illnesses-murderers" - warm and oncological diseases. Here we again notice, how certain forms of destructive thinking, calling corresponding emotional conditions, promote occurrence of certain illnesses. The strong and long anger can raise risk of disease of cardiovascular system. Feebleness and depression, on the other hand, can weaken immune system, having made the person to more subject infectious diseases and, probably, to a cancer. In both cases all constantly collect new that proof, that the constructive thinking not only can help to prevent risk of disease, but also is effective auxiliary means at its treatment.
You can sceptically concern such statement. How something can so intangible how thought, to influence such dense matter how a body? However the psychosomatic medicine from this proceeds. Certainly, not all illnesses have a psychological origin. Illness can overtake you without dependence how you think, feel and operate. Nevertheless the way of your thinking can essentially influence health in two quite proved ways.
First, the thinking influences quantity of worried stresses, and secondly, it defines the behaviour concerning maintenance of health.
It is quite obvious, that if you eat is better, train more, enough time give to a dream, avoid smoking and other drugs and accept safety measures from venereal diseases, you considerably increase the chances of health preservation. If your thoughts influence health in these two basic moments, from here follows, that increase of constructibility of thinking can improve your health.
As thoughts influence your body
Why heart fights faster when it is necessary to act in public? Why we redden, when we test confusion? Why our muscles strain, when us ask to make something, what it is not pleasant to us? Why the cat curves a back, shows a teeth and hisses, when it is threatened with danger?
Emotions switch on psychological reaction as preparation for certain actions. When you are frightened, your body will be mobilised for flight; when you are angry, your body will be mobilised for an attack; when you are in a depression condition, your body will be mobilised (or will get demobilise) for evasion from active actions; and when you are happy, it will be mobilised for hyperactivity.
If you could estimate a condition of your organism during the moments of strong excitation would note changes occurring simultaneously: pressure of muscles, tachycardia, salivation reduction, sugar and adrenaline emission in blood, increase in coagulability of blood, outflow of blood from integuments, in particular on hands and feet. The last explains, why skiers fearing descent freeze more than self-assured.
All these reactions have developed in the course of evolution to prepare an animal for actions in critical situations. The speeded up breath and palpitation give the chance to you to operate more vigorously. Pressure of muscles will mobilise them for intensive loading. Sugar emission in blood gives immediate inflow of energy, and adrenaline receipt raises activity of other important systems. During danger your organism does not require energy inflow to the bodies of digestion delivering energy «long action»; during such moments fast inflow of energy is necessary to you. Increase of coagulability of blood and its outflow from a body surface reduce loss of blood in case of wound.
Influence of thinking on physiological processes so is great, that there is no necessity to prove it by means of the difficult labware. Everything, that for this purpose is necessary, - attentively to look at itself. When you are excited - for example, before performance or the important examination, - your fingers become colder (can check up it, having put hands to temples). You can become covered cold then and feel dryness in a mouth (because salivation - a part of digestive process which stops at this time). Often it is possible to note changes of a rhythm of palpitation and breath. You can notice also, that as a result of muscular pressure coordination of movements has worsened and you not in a condition to spend an equal line. And all these changes are called only by disturbing thoughts. Think differently, and reactions will calm down.
Thoughts can call not only fear, but also anger together with physiological reactions peculiar to it. Pay attention, that when people become angry, their body strains, movements become sharp, a voice loud, the person reddens and sometimes hands and a teeth is compressed. Than such stimulation of all body is called? It only the thoughts called by interpretation of someone's words (which in itself are only expression of thoughts).
Someone has told something, that is has made the sound waves, which in itself are harmless until they will not be interpreted by the person to whom these words intended. Right after it in its brain there will be reciprocal thoughts such: «As he dares so about me to speak! I will force it to take the words back that it costed to me!». These thoughts call the intensive emotions supplemented with corresponding physiological reactions. If you have got used to react thus, be assured, that subject the organism to fair loading and do to it much bigger harm, than your opponent.
Propensity to redden at confusion is well appreciable physiological reaction called exclusively by thoughts. When you interpret something as "shameful", blood is said directly. As though you tried to hide the confusion, everyone understands, that you think, as if have made a laughing-stock of yourself. The most widespread cases of confusion as I have found out, are called by thoughts that you have appeared at all on a kind in an awkward kind. People seldom redden alone with themselves, in the room. It is the social reaction called by sensitivity to opinion of other people.
If thoughts and interpretations call grief or depression, muscles lose a tone, movements are slowed down, speech by time becomes such silent and deprived all intonation, that she is difficult for understanding. These physiological reactions prepare a body for passivity and inactivity - to the conditions called by thoughts on feebleness, hopelessness and weakness.
Influence of consciousness on health and illness
We have established, that between thoughts and emotions and between emotions and physiological reactions there is a primary close connection. In this connection it would be strange, if thoughts did not influence in any way our health. The example is an influence of mood and emotional conditions on sugar level in blood at the people, suffering a diabetes. Regulation of level of sugar in blood depends not only on the balanced diet, exercises and insulin injections. Irritation, stress, conflicts to associates and sudden changes illness of kidneys or sight loss can call sudden change of level of sugar that can lead to a diabetic coma and chronic complications, such as infringements of job of heart.
In representation about the nature of psychosomatic frustration there is nothing imagined. Psychosomatic frustration - not so imaginary illnesses. These are the real physiological infringements called or aggravated with tightened stress not adaptive way of thinking can be which reason. The psychosomatic medicine does not deny influence of other factors, such as a heredity, a food, physical overloads and the toxic or infected environment, but adds to them psychological stress, as one more important factor influencing illness. Psychological factors, as well as any others, can influence in different degree health (or illness) each concrete person.
Numerous researches confirm, that the way of thinking can influence a physical condition of the person. It is quite proved, that the people inclined to pessimism, having the low self-estimation, considering, that them the events perceiving difficult situations with fear operate, not having in the vital luggage of considerable achievements, the others is more often suffer from headaches, illnesses of a stomach and a backbone, than. Besides, the people thinking destructively, are constant clients of medical institutions.
How the constructive thinking improves health
Researches give more detailed representation about how the thinking influences health.
As a rule, owners of constructive thinking inform on smaller quantity of usual painful symptoms, than representatives of destructive type. They suffer from respiratory infections, skin illnesses, a diarrhoeia, pains in a stomach, headaches, locks and pains in a back less often. Those students who differed good constructive thinking, addressed for the help in a student's polyclinic much less often. Besides they have been more satisfied by the health, got to dangerous situations less often, passed employment through illness and had less problems connected with an overeating and a drug taking and alcohol, - the certificate of that they conducted more healthy way of life.
It is not surprising, that among components of constructive thinking management of emotions associates with a susceptibility to widespread painful symptoms more closely. Those who badly consults with the emotions, inform on much bigger quantity of symptoms, than people emotionally counterbalanced.
Personal superstitions also make the big impact on health problems. It is probable, this results from the fact that personal superstitions are closely connected with depression. These facts confirm my belief that the basic link between destructive thinking and physical illnesses - negative emotions.
The thinking influences health also in some other way - by means of the influence on style of a life and the relation to health. Well organised people also suffer from painful symptoms though and concede emotionally counterbalanced a little less. Nevertheless they even supervise such destructive behaviour, as an overeating is better. The disorganised people cannot cope often with a habit to a gluttony because of bad self-discipline.
This relation between destructive thinking and an unhealthy way of life quite clearly. The people having a low self-estimation, convinced that they in any way in a condition to affect the life, or the deprived aspirations to the perspective purpose (examples of destructive thinking), are not inclined to care of themselves. To what these efforts if I all the same the utterly worthless person and my actions can change nothing?
The people thinking destructively, can not go for years to the dentist, not care of a high-grade food, it is not enough sleep and not be engaged in physical culture. They are inclined to search for short-term pleasures and ignore long consequences that leads to drunkenness, smoking, a narcotism, a chaotic food and unreasonable risk, such as neglect protective means at sexual contacts. And when such behaviour leads to illness, they can be not able to undertake constructive actions to increase chances of recover
As the constructive thinking influences illnesses of heart and a cancer
The most dramatic proofs of influence of negative thinking on health are connected with "illnesses-murderers" - warm and oncological diseases. Here we again notice, how certain forms of destructive thinking, calling corresponding emotional conditions, promote occurrence of certain illnesses. The strong and long anger can raise risk of disease of cardiovascular system. Feebleness and depression, on the other hand, can weaken immune system, having made the person to more subject infectious diseases and, probably, to a cancer. In both cases all constantly collect new that proof, that the constructive thinking not only can help to prevent risk of disease, but also is effective auxiliary means at its treatment.
Self-esteem 2.
The first component of self-esteem is purely emotional element, that as well as that you feel about yourselves, separately and without dependence from someone or something else. The second component of your self-esteem is defined by level of competence felt as you that you do. It how you imagine, how much well you cope with the important areas of the life. It is called as the self-esteem which is based on acts, and it is an essential element of your person.
When you feel, that are strong in the area that is good with it consult, you enjoy high self-esteem. This feeling strengthens other components of self-esteem, your sensation of own importance. If you well do business, you feel well; if you feel well, you well do business. One depends on another.
Owing to that that your personal mutual relations are basic in your life that you could enjoy not passing feeling of self-esteem, you should know in the heart that the positive, healthy and constructive mutual relations sated with love with other person are capable to enter and support.
The sensation of deficiency or incompetence in the mutual relations with others undermines your self-esteem and self-confidence. Your success in mutual relations with the important person for you strengthens your self-esteem. Success of dialogue with others forces you to feel more competent and finished and liberates you for prosperity in other areas of your life.
There is a direct interrelation between quality of your mutual relations and your level of self-esteem and self-approval. You can like yourselves only in such degree in what you completely approve yourselves, and that, how much you like yourselves, in the big degree is defined by that, how much you - as feel - are approved by other people.
The majority of us grows at conditional approval, and is frequent and at aversion and condemnation from our parents. Becoming adults, we search unconditional love and approval from others and mainly from one especial person to compensate what as we feel, have been deprived in the childhood. Our mental health depends on it.
Self-approval
You never can sincerely test liking to until have approved yourself completely, have not agreed yet with the both strong lines, and weaknesses. And the key to approval itself - in was one more person certainly approved at least whom you respect also which admire and even, moreover, - which like. Only when someone another accepts you «unvarnished and completely», you can relax and accept yourselves as the considerable and standing person.
Consciousness
To test self-approval, you at first should develop consciousness. You need to understand, why you think, feel and operate how it is. It is necessary for you to realise influence of forming experience of your life. It is necessary for you to understand, as well as why you became such person whom be today.
Only when you will reach high level of consciousness, you can move to higher level of self-approval. Before can approve yourself, you should realise is better who you are actually. And only possessing high level of self-approval, you can enjoy self-esteem - a key to were the happy, healthy person.
Self-disclosing
The consciousness, in turn, is based on self-disclosing. You can correctly understand yourselves only in such degree in what are capable to reveal or share about itself with even at least one person. Corresponding self-disclosing means, that you can tell to someone else to whom you completely trust, that you think and feel, not being afraid of disapproval or aversion.
The psychotherapy is based on self-disclosing. Psychotherapists achieve success in such degree in what they can force to reveal the patient and precisely to tell it, that has served as the reason of that they are unhappy or unlucky.
One psychologist has told recently: «If everyone has really learnt to listen to other people, 75 percent of psychotherapists in the United States, since the next Wednesday, would appear without job». Fairly to open itself to other person, you should trust this another. You need to know, that other person cares of you and that it will not condemn you or to blame for something, that you have told or have made in the past.
The great emotional problem of the XX-th century is a fault. The feeling of fault arises from the sensation of an otioseness appearing as a result of the destructive criticism and errors which as you feel, have made in the past. The majority of us have made or things for which regret have told. We hurt other people, and we regret for it. We can start to release ourselves from these negative sensations that we will tell to somebody to another that we did or spoke. This form of clarification, releases us and all rest of our life allows us to get on with itself. The repentance not only is useful, but also it is essential as a hobby, to long happiness.
Fair self-disclosing sometimes happens terrible. It demands, that you have undertaken effort which does you vulnerable. But it is the basic requirement for mental health. When you openly and fairly open the thoughts and feelings to other person, you understand yourselves is better. You realise more clearly, who you are actually, see yourself and the life in the best prospect.
So far as you become more self-conscious, you become and more self-approving. When you certainly approve yourselves, you enjoy higher level of a self-estimation and self-esteem. You feel is better in all that you do. You release yourselves from negative sensations which can constrain you and keep down. Thanking caмopaскрытию you can remove weight from heart and live in a harmony with yourselves.
When you feel, that are strong in the area that is good with it consult, you enjoy high self-esteem. This feeling strengthens other components of self-esteem, your sensation of own importance. If you well do business, you feel well; if you feel well, you well do business. One depends on another.
Owing to that that your personal mutual relations are basic in your life that you could enjoy not passing feeling of self-esteem, you should know in the heart that the positive, healthy and constructive mutual relations sated with love with other person are capable to enter and support.
The sensation of deficiency or incompetence in the mutual relations with others undermines your self-esteem and self-confidence. Your success in mutual relations with the important person for you strengthens your self-esteem. Success of dialogue with others forces you to feel more competent and finished and liberates you for prosperity in other areas of your life.
There is a direct interrelation between quality of your mutual relations and your level of self-esteem and self-approval. You can like yourselves only in such degree in what you completely approve yourselves, and that, how much you like yourselves, in the big degree is defined by that, how much you - as feel - are approved by other people.
The majority of us grows at conditional approval, and is frequent and at aversion and condemnation from our parents. Becoming adults, we search unconditional love and approval from others and mainly from one especial person to compensate what as we feel, have been deprived in the childhood. Our mental health depends on it.
Self-approval
You never can sincerely test liking to until have approved yourself completely, have not agreed yet with the both strong lines, and weaknesses. And the key to approval itself - in was one more person certainly approved at least whom you respect also which admire and even, moreover, - which like. Only when someone another accepts you «unvarnished and completely», you can relax and accept yourselves as the considerable and standing person.
Consciousness
To test self-approval, you at first should develop consciousness. You need to understand, why you think, feel and operate how it is. It is necessary for you to realise influence of forming experience of your life. It is necessary for you to understand, as well as why you became such person whom be today.
Only when you will reach high level of consciousness, you can move to higher level of self-approval. Before can approve yourself, you should realise is better who you are actually. And only possessing high level of self-approval, you can enjoy self-esteem - a key to were the happy, healthy person.
Self-disclosing
The consciousness, in turn, is based on self-disclosing. You can correctly understand yourselves only in such degree in what are capable to reveal or share about itself with even at least one person. Corresponding self-disclosing means, that you can tell to someone else to whom you completely trust, that you think and feel, not being afraid of disapproval or aversion.
The psychotherapy is based on self-disclosing. Psychotherapists achieve success in such degree in what they can force to reveal the patient and precisely to tell it, that has served as the reason of that they are unhappy or unlucky.
One psychologist has told recently: «If everyone has really learnt to listen to other people, 75 percent of psychotherapists in the United States, since the next Wednesday, would appear without job». Fairly to open itself to other person, you should trust this another. You need to know, that other person cares of you and that it will not condemn you or to blame for something, that you have told or have made in the past.
The great emotional problem of the XX-th century is a fault. The feeling of fault arises from the sensation of an otioseness appearing as a result of the destructive criticism and errors which as you feel, have made in the past. The majority of us have made or things for which regret have told. We hurt other people, and we regret for it. We can start to release ourselves from these negative sensations that we will tell to somebody to another that we did or spoke. This form of clarification, releases us and all rest of our life allows us to get on with itself. The repentance not only is useful, but also it is essential as a hobby, to long happiness.
Fair self-disclosing sometimes happens terrible. It demands, that you have undertaken effort which does you vulnerable. But it is the basic requirement for mental health. When you openly and fairly open the thoughts and feelings to other person, you understand yourselves is better. You realise more clearly, who you are actually, see yourself and the life in the best prospect.
So far as you become more self-conscious, you become and more self-approving. When you certainly approve yourselves, you enjoy higher level of a self-estimation and self-esteem. You feel is better in all that you do. You release yourselves from negative sensations which can constrain you and keep down. Thanking caмopaскрытию you can remove weight from heart and live in a harmony with yourselves.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Self-esteem, satisfaction, internal freedom and self-trust.
Human, social relations to reach balance, also are under construction on indemnification, for example, to take and give. We will talk about that indemnification which for the person is the most important, and simultaneously the most dangerous: about an equilibration of opposite feelings for achievement of balance in own "I".
If someone feels uncertainly in mutual relations with an opposite sex, at a meeting with important or the celebrated personality, addressing to the big audience, in conversation on a foreign language, or in even any unusual situation by means of exercises and experience the uncertain can find desirable confidence. At the correct relation to world around the person is released from uncertainty. Thanks to the developed contacts and deep attachments the loneliness disappears. Thanks to high achievements and multiplied successes, the self-trust becomes stronger.
If we do that is necessary more often we cope with problems and difficulties which are offered us by a daily life. So through the solved problems, the overcome difficulties and the reached successes we pass a way from a condition of discomfort and irritability, disappointment and bad mood to internal balance.
Ours "I" in a full order if we have balanced the relation to an external world. But our condition becomes dangerous when ours «feelings of» leave balance. Ours "I" break up to opposite parts, enters into irreconcilable contradictions, contrasts mutually amplify, the contradiction becomes aggravated. Then the pendulum between boastful self-admiration and oppressing self-disappointment is shaken all more strongly and faster. Illusions and depressions, claims and fears start to rotate on a circle. Ours "I" turn to the bewitched pendulum with two poles.
Who gets to the closed whirlpool of fruitless events, that will constantly rotate in this circle of a hopelessness. Own forces hardly will possible to release. It confirms inexpressive and disappointed, severe and suffering faces which in set surround us every day. Especially important problem for us - to tell in detail about how to avoid feebleness. But it is a challenge. Many people consider feelings because of which we get to a vicious circle, - vanity, envy, hatred, contempt, desire to humiliate and use people etc. - "absolutely normal".
Other people consider "modern" meaningly to bring up in themselves egoism, thus they absolutely misinterpret concept of "self-control". Some our contemporaries aggravate own egocentrism when in search of the identity, practise unhealthy narcissism. That egoism declares as self-knowledge, - is frequent not that other, psychological dependence on "I" (I - dependence).
Disputable «I - psychology» ("I", superth, "I" am a parent and "I" am a child), neither religious doctrines about morals, nor social norms of decency have not led to understanding of very important vital beginning: our conscience sensitively reacts to infringement of border of normal feelings of. Namely our internal balance and our well-being depends on it, therefore I wish to describe four basic feelings of:
* Self-esteem
* Internal satisfaction
* Internal freedom
* the Self-trust
Thus we wish to show and that occurs when we lose normal feelings of, they break up to contrasts. Contrasts are multiplied, mutually amplify, and, eventually, form a vicious circle.
Self-esteem
Along with self-esteem there are two contrasts of negative sense connected with it:
* revaluation of and self-compulsion of the person (vanity, obstinacy, claims for the power and arrogance);
* underestimation of, some kind of, clearing of of necessity of self-realisation which is substituted for noncommittal and resourcefulness for the purpose of reception of a recognition and acknowledgement of this recognition extracted without real efforts of fruitful activity.
Teodor B. Because of the weakness to alcohol has destroyed normal feeling of - self-esteem. Among the drinking companions it thoughtlessly overestimated itself(himself), as the cleverest. And in a role of the drunk spouse and the businessman which could not rise in the mornings from bed because of the headaches called by abusing of alcohol, - such he despised. It disappeared from painful contempt for in a tavern again to find the right to overestimate, catching for the superiority over habitues of a tavern. So he also has understood a vicious circle of contempt for both revaluation of. And rotation in this circle all was accelerated and accelerated, becoming forced. Normal feeling of, self-esteem, it has lost in in strong degree when has got to dependence on a recognition other people.
The self-esteem and recognition of others are two different, in many respects opposite feelings of. The more easy and more confidently the person respects itself, the less it requires a recognition other people. And on the contrary: than more strongly the person thirsts for recognitions, than brags of the achievements, the property or communications more desperately, especially poor there is its self-esteem.
It is necessary to understand clearly distinction between self-esteem and a recognition (acknowledgement of). Acknowledgement is an ascertaining of that, on what the person is capable. For example, ability to read and write, possession of a foreign language, trade presence. Interest to the person, its appeal in the opinion of other people - too acknowledgement of. The recognition develops confidence of the person of, but not self-esteem. Men and the women behaving as on a poultry yard, sending sexual signals in indifferent space, in general the people wishing that associates admired with them as admire with peacocks, - all of them test and worry a self-esteem lack. Such characters do not have true respect for the partner, that is, bases for the present love. The self-esteem is very important feeling of, it is inherent only in the person who possesses absolutely pure belief and inevitably arrives according to the belief.
Some individuals, especially often women, consider: to achieve self-esteem, it is necessary to make by all means something especial, at least, to give birth to the child. Such "conformists" focus attention that others do for reception of acknowledgement of and for what bill of acts others receive the high public status. But following to another's samples does not conduct to self-esteem. The self-esteem comes to the person only when the person is fair, diligent and faultless. And here the person can reach acknowledgement of through acts as which he considers worthy aspirations. Acknowledgement of is carried out in an academic status, the political career, the impressing riches, the car inspiring admiration, or, in the most "limiting" variant, - the glorifying obituary.
Recently I listened by radio of interview to the woman, the diplomaed psychologist. It has just published the book on a theme «to All of us popularity» is necessary. I during a half an hour patiently waited, when at last the diplomaed psychologist will tell, that popularity is necessary for us only in that case when we do not have acknowledgement of and self-esteem, first of all - self-esteem. In end of interview the leader of a broadcast has asked: «But after all and the self-esteem too is very important?» A tongue twister the answer of the psychologist has followed: «Yes, certainly. But for self-esteem very important constantly to receive proofs of own popularity». In my opinion, psychological ignorance of the psychologist has not added popularity to the author of the book about importance of popularity.
The overestimated self-estimation all fanatics, especially - putting on airs characters suffer: religious, political both public figures. There are also scientists who confuse value of the achievements to value of own person. As that doctor who has told: «In the world only two standing surgeons. The second lives in America». Many artists without a shade of doubts represent themselves bright stars, though the majority of them, probably, all the same flying by comets, instead of motionless stars.
The normal self-esteem is peculiar to people for whom it is quite natural to speak and arrive decently, fairly and honesty, in the consent with the belief. Haughty pride is alien to these people as it is alien to them and servility. It is necessary to possess a good scent to distinguish the worthy modesty of such people based on respect for.
Normal self-esteem people for which to speak and arrive decently, fairly, honesty possess, following the belief, - self-evident behaviour. People who behave and operate in another way and the way of life destroy self-esteem, to learn easy. All of them time dodge, search roundabout ways to carry out the intentions. They find every possible excuses that something not to make, or say opposite to volume that intend to undertake. They say lies on a habit. «Resourceful snakes» I name man's and female individuals, which are not considered with what for the sake of own advantage, which impetuously lie to carry out the influence and to catch the power.
Internal freedom
Internal freedom has two antithesises:
* revaluation of as a way of flight from itself. The individual with the overestimated self-estimation stays in constant search of the best, new, another. It is living in the world of illusions.
* underestimation of as a way of oppression and restriction of. The individual with the underestimated self-estimation constantly is anxious about something, eternally is afraid to lose the partner, health, property.
Own internal freedom the person capable possesses and to demand, and, simultaneously, to refuse own requirements. You feel internal freedom, if can easy ignore phone call when do not want that you distracted. You worry internal freedom if without explanations reject the invitation which is not interesting to you. You possess internal freedom if find in itself courage to express desire, even at confidence that be refused. The one who does not hide the feelings and intentions is free. The free person simply speaks: « I do not want », instead of pretends to be, that it does not have time. To it will not come in a head to play the hypocrite before someone in something. The one who asserts, that it uses excuses to spare other person, actually, is afraid to become unpopular. It spares itself(himself). Fear to lose popularity conducts the person to slavery. So the fear to be dishonoured so there is an unpleasant feeling of confusion and constraint so the shame paint flashes is born.
Only the person feeling free, can be sincere and resourceful. As that attractive woman whom on a question of the admirer, whether it is possible to spend her and in what direction it goes, has answered: «In opposite».
To feel itself internally free, it is necessary to possess self-esteem and to be in a harmony with the belief. Who aspires to that it liked, and searches for acknowledgement of love to at others, never will test sensations of internally free person.
We cannot unmistakably distinguish force of feelings of - the present conscience in us and knowledge of ourselves have become dull. This knowledge, «the moral law in me» with which the Edging admired, cannot be imparted to us from the outside, neither through the religious doctrine about morals, nor through well thought over teaching of that is appreciated as socially-desirable and decent, through political ideology.
Social ideals appear insolvent if they are imposed to people from the outside, instead of become internal belief on the basis of personally gone through inspiration.
The doctor and philosopher Paul Dalke (1865-1928) spoke about it with surprising clearness: «True compulsion of the person proceeds, finally, not from things, and from thinking, therefore there is no compulsion from the outside, there is a self-compulsion. Really: the person is compelled to do something only when he forces itself(himself). And such it is possible only when the person has realised necessity of to what it is obliged to force itself(himself). From what besides follows, that progress is carried out not by means of laws, orders or even violence, but only by manuals. For a long time great people, and teachers are necessary to the world not. And long since in perception of the conceiving person victories and gains, not opening and inventions, not mastering by the world, and comprehension of were considered as the greatest achievement not. And a unique true way to true achievement - to learn itself».
I again and again am am excited with these wise thoughts. Who has read these manuals as soon as that you who took these installations on arms have read, that has already changed. It has relieved the future life from useless or even pernicious roundabout ways.
«To learn itself» - means, to understand the reason: why I do something. «To learn itself» - means to be sensitive and fair with itself, to distinguish true motives and own intentions. We are obliged to wonder constantly: whether I touch the self-esteem with what I speak and I do? And whether I feel myself internally free?
Internal satisfaction
There are two negative contrasts of internal satisfaction:
* revaluation of (the overestimated self-estimation) in a kind a favour of: meal, sweets, alcohol, drugs, purchases (clothes, cars) - all for the sake of satisfaction of own desires.
* underestimation of as a dissatisfaction with self. The person unsatisfied with self wants, that all was in another way, wishes to have more. He feels neglect to itself(himself) and is alienated from itself.
In the relation to another the dissatisfaction with self is expressed in internal leaving, in alienation, in desire to escape, in trouble, irritability and in search of object for the inexhaustible criticism. The hypertrophied requirement for satisfaction conducts to self-satisfaction and a self-pamperedness. The self-satisfaction is quite often embodied in for a long time passed or in desired future love. Except sexual satisfaction different sources of satisfaction of are found. Excessively rich meal, excessive satiety fill often spiritual emptiness of unsatisfied people.
Someone smokes much, that absence of intimate sincere relations to replace with inhalation of a tobacco smoke. Someone drinks a lot of alcohol to drug itself(himself) and not to feel melancholy of unsatisfied desires.
If the vicious circle rotates all faster also the favour of grows to self-deception. A favour of sweets still it is possible to carry to a favour of, but inveterate smoking, the alcoholism and the regular use of sleeping medicines and drugs is already absolute self-deception. «The satisfaction comes from within», - has written recently one psychotherapist in an instruction for patients. Well, installation correct, but useless. Not only the satisfaction, but also vanity, envy, aggression come from within. And we wish to know, that it is necessary to do to reach internal satisfaction and balance.
First of all it is necessary to disaccustom yourself to expectation, that other person on own will will make what you want. Having had patience and readiness for understanding, it is necessary to try to understand other person, to want to belong to the partner, to feel connected with the partner, instead of humiliating with captious criticism and to push away.
About that such happiness, write much, and guess even more. Children collecting coins in a pig-coin box, believe, that the coin box brings happiness. Many adults so never also do not get rid of this children's belief: continue to believe that for happiness achievement money is necessary. Many are unshakably assured: the more money, the there is more than happiness. Who thinks so, will stride on a life in crowd of the unhappy. It is necessary for the stray person more and more, he runs fortunately all faster and faster, but remains on the same unhappy place. If the smog directed fortunately test happiness, - as it would be happy. To be happy, it is necessary to be able to be happy.
Very rich person, the owner of several own country houses and palace has invited me in hotel lux on a beach of one exotic island. I was delighted with beauty of a room and a view of the sea. He has agreed with me, but with a sigh has noted: the room could be wider on metre. The maniacal discontent with all conducts people by happiness. And by a life.
Who perceives beauty of a decline who is grasped by melody sounding who is impressed with organic naturalness of the person, that does not demand anything more these values. It is filled by a life and with that is happy. The one who is happy with the business and the experiences, tests constant happiness.
Self-trust
There are two negative contrasts of a self-trust:
* revaluation of as narcissism: boasting, provocative, is underlined allocated sex, aggression.
* underestimation of as pity to itself: the weakened self-trust, feeling of weakness, inability, feebleness.
Four feelings of form the base of our internal balance: self-esteem, internal freedom, internal satisfaction and a self-trust. About a self-trust I also wish to talk. The self-trust differs from self-esteem. A self-trust - such feeling of which is least connected with self-esteem. If the head of a mafia asserts about itself, that it ostensibly possesses high self-esteem he does not know about what speaks. The Mafiosi certainly feels a strong self-trust, and it at it really is. Any business which the head of a mafia successfully spends, confirms its efficiency. So there is a self-approval of the higher degree, and it develops a self-trust at "boss".
To geniuses who did not realise the exclusive greatness and possessed the lowered confidence to itself, concerns doubting in itself and timid Frants Schubert. It has received for the short life of a few recognitions - all once, from Beethoven. Therefore the great composer seldom worried a condition of self-approval which could strengthen its self-trust. When «German dances» were rehearsed it, it sat near to the conductor and whispered it correct rate of execution: «Faster - more slowly - faster». The annoyed conductor has shouted at it: «That All of you time interfere? Who you, as a matter of fact, the such?»
Schubert has confusedly bowed: «Excuse, the mister the conductor, I only the composer».
The person undermines a self-trust if it is not enough or expects from itself too much. Or if it is not enough or too much from itself demands. The one who makes to itself(himself) too high demands, undoubtedly wishes to admire with itself - the strongest, the most courageous, the greatest. The hero, a star. The presentation to itself of too high requirements reflects the worthy purpose - to admire by itself. Certainly, for those who admires itself, it is necessary, that also others admired with them. Therefore they over a measure are boastful.
Self-admiration underside - compassion to. To at whom the self-trust is lowered, admiration of others is necessary. The one who is dependent on admiration of others, runs into depressive compassion to if during long time does not meet support and a recognition. Therefore many politicians and art stars hurry day by day to read a morning paper, hoping to find there the name.
Many of those who admires with itself, give out themselves unreasonable boasting when, as though accidentally, mention, they are close familiar with what influential people or they like are amicable with what celebrated personalities.
If someone feels uncertainly in mutual relations with an opposite sex, at a meeting with important or the celebrated personality, addressing to the big audience, in conversation on a foreign language, or in even any unusual situation by means of exercises and experience the uncertain can find desirable confidence. At the correct relation to world around the person is released from uncertainty. Thanks to the developed contacts and deep attachments the loneliness disappears. Thanks to high achievements and multiplied successes, the self-trust becomes stronger.
If we do that is necessary more often we cope with problems and difficulties which are offered us by a daily life. So through the solved problems, the overcome difficulties and the reached successes we pass a way from a condition of discomfort and irritability, disappointment and bad mood to internal balance.
Ours "I" in a full order if we have balanced the relation to an external world. But our condition becomes dangerous when ours «feelings of» leave balance. Ours "I" break up to opposite parts, enters into irreconcilable contradictions, contrasts mutually amplify, the contradiction becomes aggravated. Then the pendulum between boastful self-admiration and oppressing self-disappointment is shaken all more strongly and faster. Illusions and depressions, claims and fears start to rotate on a circle. Ours "I" turn to the bewitched pendulum with two poles.
Who gets to the closed whirlpool of fruitless events, that will constantly rotate in this circle of a hopelessness. Own forces hardly will possible to release. It confirms inexpressive and disappointed, severe and suffering faces which in set surround us every day. Especially important problem for us - to tell in detail about how to avoid feebleness. But it is a challenge. Many people consider feelings because of which we get to a vicious circle, - vanity, envy, hatred, contempt, desire to humiliate and use people etc. - "absolutely normal".
Other people consider "modern" meaningly to bring up in themselves egoism, thus they absolutely misinterpret concept of "self-control". Some our contemporaries aggravate own egocentrism when in search of the identity, practise unhealthy narcissism. That egoism declares as self-knowledge, - is frequent not that other, psychological dependence on "I" (I - dependence).
Disputable «I - psychology» ("I", superth, "I" am a parent and "I" am a child), neither religious doctrines about morals, nor social norms of decency have not led to understanding of very important vital beginning: our conscience sensitively reacts to infringement of border of normal feelings of. Namely our internal balance and our well-being depends on it, therefore I wish to describe four basic feelings of:
* Self-esteem
* Internal satisfaction
* Internal freedom
* the Self-trust
Thus we wish to show and that occurs when we lose normal feelings of, they break up to contrasts. Contrasts are multiplied, mutually amplify, and, eventually, form a vicious circle.
Self-esteem
Along with self-esteem there are two contrasts of negative sense connected with it:
* revaluation of and self-compulsion of the person (vanity, obstinacy, claims for the power and arrogance);
* underestimation of, some kind of, clearing of of necessity of self-realisation which is substituted for noncommittal and resourcefulness for the purpose of reception of a recognition and acknowledgement of this recognition extracted without real efforts of fruitful activity.
Teodor B. Because of the weakness to alcohol has destroyed normal feeling of - self-esteem. Among the drinking companions it thoughtlessly overestimated itself(himself), as the cleverest. And in a role of the drunk spouse and the businessman which could not rise in the mornings from bed because of the headaches called by abusing of alcohol, - such he despised. It disappeared from painful contempt for in a tavern again to find the right to overestimate, catching for the superiority over habitues of a tavern. So he also has understood a vicious circle of contempt for both revaluation of. And rotation in this circle all was accelerated and accelerated, becoming forced. Normal feeling of, self-esteem, it has lost in in strong degree when has got to dependence on a recognition other people.
The self-esteem and recognition of others are two different, in many respects opposite feelings of. The more easy and more confidently the person respects itself, the less it requires a recognition other people. And on the contrary: than more strongly the person thirsts for recognitions, than brags of the achievements, the property or communications more desperately, especially poor there is its self-esteem.
It is necessary to understand clearly distinction between self-esteem and a recognition (acknowledgement of). Acknowledgement is an ascertaining of that, on what the person is capable. For example, ability to read and write, possession of a foreign language, trade presence. Interest to the person, its appeal in the opinion of other people - too acknowledgement of. The recognition develops confidence of the person of, but not self-esteem. Men and the women behaving as on a poultry yard, sending sexual signals in indifferent space, in general the people wishing that associates admired with them as admire with peacocks, - all of them test and worry a self-esteem lack. Such characters do not have true respect for the partner, that is, bases for the present love. The self-esteem is very important feeling of, it is inherent only in the person who possesses absolutely pure belief and inevitably arrives according to the belief.
Some individuals, especially often women, consider: to achieve self-esteem, it is necessary to make by all means something especial, at least, to give birth to the child. Such "conformists" focus attention that others do for reception of acknowledgement of and for what bill of acts others receive the high public status. But following to another's samples does not conduct to self-esteem. The self-esteem comes to the person only when the person is fair, diligent and faultless. And here the person can reach acknowledgement of through acts as which he considers worthy aspirations. Acknowledgement of is carried out in an academic status, the political career, the impressing riches, the car inspiring admiration, or, in the most "limiting" variant, - the glorifying obituary.
Recently I listened by radio of interview to the woman, the diplomaed psychologist. It has just published the book on a theme «to All of us popularity» is necessary. I during a half an hour patiently waited, when at last the diplomaed psychologist will tell, that popularity is necessary for us only in that case when we do not have acknowledgement of and self-esteem, first of all - self-esteem. In end of interview the leader of a broadcast has asked: «But after all and the self-esteem too is very important?» A tongue twister the answer of the psychologist has followed: «Yes, certainly. But for self-esteem very important constantly to receive proofs of own popularity». In my opinion, psychological ignorance of the psychologist has not added popularity to the author of the book about importance of popularity.
The overestimated self-estimation all fanatics, especially - putting on airs characters suffer: religious, political both public figures. There are also scientists who confuse value of the achievements to value of own person. As that doctor who has told: «In the world only two standing surgeons. The second lives in America». Many artists without a shade of doubts represent themselves bright stars, though the majority of them, probably, all the same flying by comets, instead of motionless stars.
The normal self-esteem is peculiar to people for whom it is quite natural to speak and arrive decently, fairly and honesty, in the consent with the belief. Haughty pride is alien to these people as it is alien to them and servility. It is necessary to possess a good scent to distinguish the worthy modesty of such people based on respect for.
Normal self-esteem people for which to speak and arrive decently, fairly, honesty possess, following the belief, - self-evident behaviour. People who behave and operate in another way and the way of life destroy self-esteem, to learn easy. All of them time dodge, search roundabout ways to carry out the intentions. They find every possible excuses that something not to make, or say opposite to volume that intend to undertake. They say lies on a habit. «Resourceful snakes» I name man's and female individuals, which are not considered with what for the sake of own advantage, which impetuously lie to carry out the influence and to catch the power.
Internal freedom
Internal freedom has two antithesises:
* revaluation of as a way of flight from itself. The individual with the overestimated self-estimation stays in constant search of the best, new, another. It is living in the world of illusions.
* underestimation of as a way of oppression and restriction of. The individual with the underestimated self-estimation constantly is anxious about something, eternally is afraid to lose the partner, health, property.
Own internal freedom the person capable possesses and to demand, and, simultaneously, to refuse own requirements. You feel internal freedom, if can easy ignore phone call when do not want that you distracted. You worry internal freedom if without explanations reject the invitation which is not interesting to you. You possess internal freedom if find in itself courage to express desire, even at confidence that be refused. The one who does not hide the feelings and intentions is free. The free person simply speaks: « I do not want », instead of pretends to be, that it does not have time. To it will not come in a head to play the hypocrite before someone in something. The one who asserts, that it uses excuses to spare other person, actually, is afraid to become unpopular. It spares itself(himself). Fear to lose popularity conducts the person to slavery. So the fear to be dishonoured so there is an unpleasant feeling of confusion and constraint so the shame paint flashes is born.
Only the person feeling free, can be sincere and resourceful. As that attractive woman whom on a question of the admirer, whether it is possible to spend her and in what direction it goes, has answered: «In opposite».
To feel itself internally free, it is necessary to possess self-esteem and to be in a harmony with the belief. Who aspires to that it liked, and searches for acknowledgement of love to at others, never will test sensations of internally free person.
We cannot unmistakably distinguish force of feelings of - the present conscience in us and knowledge of ourselves have become dull. This knowledge, «the moral law in me» with which the Edging admired, cannot be imparted to us from the outside, neither through the religious doctrine about morals, nor through well thought over teaching of that is appreciated as socially-desirable and decent, through political ideology.
Social ideals appear insolvent if they are imposed to people from the outside, instead of become internal belief on the basis of personally gone through inspiration.
The doctor and philosopher Paul Dalke (1865-1928) spoke about it with surprising clearness: «True compulsion of the person proceeds, finally, not from things, and from thinking, therefore there is no compulsion from the outside, there is a self-compulsion. Really: the person is compelled to do something only when he forces itself(himself). And such it is possible only when the person has realised necessity of to what it is obliged to force itself(himself). From what besides follows, that progress is carried out not by means of laws, orders or even violence, but only by manuals. For a long time great people, and teachers are necessary to the world not. And long since in perception of the conceiving person victories and gains, not opening and inventions, not mastering by the world, and comprehension of were considered as the greatest achievement not. And a unique true way to true achievement - to learn itself».
I again and again am am excited with these wise thoughts. Who has read these manuals as soon as that you who took these installations on arms have read, that has already changed. It has relieved the future life from useless or even pernicious roundabout ways.
«To learn itself» - means, to understand the reason: why I do something. «To learn itself» - means to be sensitive and fair with itself, to distinguish true motives and own intentions. We are obliged to wonder constantly: whether I touch the self-esteem with what I speak and I do? And whether I feel myself internally free?
Internal satisfaction
There are two negative contrasts of internal satisfaction:
* revaluation of (the overestimated self-estimation) in a kind a favour of: meal, sweets, alcohol, drugs, purchases (clothes, cars) - all for the sake of satisfaction of own desires.
* underestimation of as a dissatisfaction with self. The person unsatisfied with self wants, that all was in another way, wishes to have more. He feels neglect to itself(himself) and is alienated from itself.
In the relation to another the dissatisfaction with self is expressed in internal leaving, in alienation, in desire to escape, in trouble, irritability and in search of object for the inexhaustible criticism. The hypertrophied requirement for satisfaction conducts to self-satisfaction and a self-pamperedness. The self-satisfaction is quite often embodied in for a long time passed or in desired future love. Except sexual satisfaction different sources of satisfaction of are found. Excessively rich meal, excessive satiety fill often spiritual emptiness of unsatisfied people.
Someone smokes much, that absence of intimate sincere relations to replace with inhalation of a tobacco smoke. Someone drinks a lot of alcohol to drug itself(himself) and not to feel melancholy of unsatisfied desires.
If the vicious circle rotates all faster also the favour of grows to self-deception. A favour of sweets still it is possible to carry to a favour of, but inveterate smoking, the alcoholism and the regular use of sleeping medicines and drugs is already absolute self-deception. «The satisfaction comes from within», - has written recently one psychotherapist in an instruction for patients. Well, installation correct, but useless. Not only the satisfaction, but also vanity, envy, aggression come from within. And we wish to know, that it is necessary to do to reach internal satisfaction and balance.
First of all it is necessary to disaccustom yourself to expectation, that other person on own will will make what you want. Having had patience and readiness for understanding, it is necessary to try to understand other person, to want to belong to the partner, to feel connected with the partner, instead of humiliating with captious criticism and to push away.
About that such happiness, write much, and guess even more. Children collecting coins in a pig-coin box, believe, that the coin box brings happiness. Many adults so never also do not get rid of this children's belief: continue to believe that for happiness achievement money is necessary. Many are unshakably assured: the more money, the there is more than happiness. Who thinks so, will stride on a life in crowd of the unhappy. It is necessary for the stray person more and more, he runs fortunately all faster and faster, but remains on the same unhappy place. If the smog directed fortunately test happiness, - as it would be happy. To be happy, it is necessary to be able to be happy.
Very rich person, the owner of several own country houses and palace has invited me in hotel lux on a beach of one exotic island. I was delighted with beauty of a room and a view of the sea. He has agreed with me, but with a sigh has noted: the room could be wider on metre. The maniacal discontent with all conducts people by happiness. And by a life.
Who perceives beauty of a decline who is grasped by melody sounding who is impressed with organic naturalness of the person, that does not demand anything more these values. It is filled by a life and with that is happy. The one who is happy with the business and the experiences, tests constant happiness.
Self-trust
There are two negative contrasts of a self-trust:
* revaluation of as narcissism: boasting, provocative, is underlined allocated sex, aggression.
* underestimation of as pity to itself: the weakened self-trust, feeling of weakness, inability, feebleness.
Four feelings of form the base of our internal balance: self-esteem, internal freedom, internal satisfaction and a self-trust. About a self-trust I also wish to talk. The self-trust differs from self-esteem. A self-trust - such feeling of which is least connected with self-esteem. If the head of a mafia asserts about itself, that it ostensibly possesses high self-esteem he does not know about what speaks. The Mafiosi certainly feels a strong self-trust, and it at it really is. Any business which the head of a mafia successfully spends, confirms its efficiency. So there is a self-approval of the higher degree, and it develops a self-trust at "boss".
To geniuses who did not realise the exclusive greatness and possessed the lowered confidence to itself, concerns doubting in itself and timid Frants Schubert. It has received for the short life of a few recognitions - all once, from Beethoven. Therefore the great composer seldom worried a condition of self-approval which could strengthen its self-trust. When «German dances» were rehearsed it, it sat near to the conductor and whispered it correct rate of execution: «Faster - more slowly - faster». The annoyed conductor has shouted at it: «That All of you time interfere? Who you, as a matter of fact, the such?»
Schubert has confusedly bowed: «Excuse, the mister the conductor, I only the composer».
The person undermines a self-trust if it is not enough or expects from itself too much. Or if it is not enough or too much from itself demands. The one who makes to itself(himself) too high demands, undoubtedly wishes to admire with itself - the strongest, the most courageous, the greatest. The hero, a star. The presentation to itself of too high requirements reflects the worthy purpose - to admire by itself. Certainly, for those who admires itself, it is necessary, that also others admired with them. Therefore they over a measure are boastful.
Self-admiration underside - compassion to. To at whom the self-trust is lowered, admiration of others is necessary. The one who is dependent on admiration of others, runs into depressive compassion to if during long time does not meet support and a recognition. Therefore many politicians and art stars hurry day by day to read a morning paper, hoping to find there the name.
Many of those who admires with itself, give out themselves unreasonable boasting when, as though accidentally, mention, they are close familiar with what influential people or they like are amicable with what celebrated personalities.
Ways of self-control of an emotional condition.
At each person at intense emotional conditions the mimicry varies, the tone of skeletal muscles, tempo of speech raises, there is a fussiness leading to errors in orientation, breath, pulse, a complexion change.
The emotional pressure most likely will begin to decline, if the attention of the person is switched from the reason of anger, grieves or pleasures on their external displays - a look, tears or laughter etc. It means that emotional and physical conditions of the person are interconnected, that is why possess ability of interference. Therefore, probably, statements are equally lawful: «We laugh because to us cheerfully» and «To us is cheerful because we laugh».
1. Muscles
Most simple, but effective enough way of emotional self-control - a relaxation of mimic muscles. Having learnt to weaken obverse muscles, and also any way and meaningly to supervise their condition, it is possible to learn to operate and corresponding emotions. Than earlier (on time of occurrence of emotions) joins the conscious control, especially effective it appears. So, in anger a teeth is compressed, the look varies. There is it automatically, reflex. However it is necessary to "start" self-checking questions (whether «a teeth is compressed?», «as my person looks?»), and mimic muscles start to relax. Only preliminary training in a relaxation of certain muscular groups on the basis of verbal self-orders is necessary.
It is especially important to manager to seize skills of a relaxation of mimic muscles to apply them in need of professional work situations. Exercises for a relaxation of face muscles switch on tasks for a relaxation of this or that group of mimic muscles (a forehead, eyes, a nose, cheeks, lips, a chin). Their essence - in alternation of pressure and a relaxation of various muscles that it was easier to remember sensation of a relaxation by contrast with pressure. Exercises are carried out at an active orientation of attention to phases of pressure and a relaxation by means of verbal self-orders, auto-suggestion. As a result of repeated repetitions of these exercises gradually in consciousness there is an image of the person in the form of a mask, as much as possible free from muscular pressure. After such training it is possible easily under the mental order during the necessary moment to weaken all face muscles.
2. Breath
The important reserve in stabilisation of the emotional condition is breath perfection. Strangely enough, not all people are able to breathe correctly. Not inept breath plays last role and in fatigue. Having concentrated the attention, it is easy to notice, how breath of the person in different situations varies: differently breathe sleeping, working, angered, cheered up, become sad or frightened. Apparently, breath infringements depend on inwardness of the person that is why also any ordered breath should have return influence on this condition. Having learnt to influence the breath, it is possible to get one more way of emotional self-control.
The sense of respiratory exercises consists in the conscious control over a rhythm, frequency, depth of breath. Different types of rhythmical breath switch on delays of breath of different duration and a breath and exhalation variation. On all extent respiratory ways are plentifully supplied by the terminations of vegetative nervous system. It is established, that the breath phase raises the terminations of the sympathetic nerve which is stirring up activity of internal bodies, and an exhalation phase - a wandering nerve, as a rule, making braking impact.
Technique of performance of respiratory exercises
1. Sit down on a chair (sideways to a back), straighten a back and weaken neck muscles.
2. Hands freely put on knees and close eyes that no visual information prevented to concentrate to you. Concentrate only on the breath.
3. At performance of respiratory exercise breathe through a nose, lips are slightly closed (but are not compressed).
4. Within several minutes simply supervise the breath. Pay attention that it easy and free. Will feel, that inhaled air colder, than exhaled. Watch only that breath was rhythmical.
5. Now pay attention to that during a breath and an exhalation auxiliary respiratory muscles did not join - especially at a breath it is not necessary to straighten shoulders. They should be weakened, lowered and taken slightly away back. After a breath, naturally, the exhalation should follow. However try to prolong a breath. It will be possible to you, if, continuing a breath, you as it is possible keep from pressure of a muscle of a thorax longer. Think that is necessary now to you a long exhalation. A deep breath and the subsequent long exhalation repeat some times.
6. Now supervise a breath rhythm. After all rhythmical breath calms nerves, calming an effect has. Carry out a slow breath, being in time thus to count on the average rate from one to six. Then - a pause. Train rhythmical breath about 2-3 minutes. Duration of separate phases of breath in this case not so is important - much more important a correct rhythm. You can recollect and repeat this simple way of rhythmical breath at any time.
3. Visualisation
Effective emotional self-control is promoted also by use of receptions of imagination or visualisation. Visualisation is a creation of internal images in consciousness of the person, that is activization of imagination by means of acoustical, visual, flavouring, olfactory, осязательных sensations, and also their combinations. Visualisation helps the person to make active its emotional memory, to recreate those sensations which he has tested once. Having reproduced in consciousness images of an external world, it is possible to distract quickly from an intense situation, to restore emotional balance.
Visualisation version are exercises of "subject imagination», the colours based on deliberate use and spatial representations of consciousness of the person. Conscious representations are painted in the necessary colour corresponding to the modelled emotional condition. Colour possesses powerful emotional action on nervous system. Red, orange, yellow - colours of activity; blue, dark blue, violet - colours of rest; green - neutral. Colour (temperature, sound) it is better to supplement sensations with spatial representations. If it is necessary to calm down, have a rest, it is necessary to represent wide, open space (sea horizon, the spacious sky, the wide area, an extensive hall of theatre etc.) . For organism mobilisation on performance of a responsible problem images of close, narrow spaces with the limited horizon (narrow street with high houses, gorge, a close room) help. Use of the given receptions together allows to call a necessary emotional condition during the necessary moment (quiet - spacious sea coast, a winter landscape in lilac twilight; invigorating - a summer beach the bright sunny day, the blinding sun, bright yellow sand). It is necessary to get used to a represented picture, to experience it and to fix in consciousness. Gradually there will be a slackness and rest condition or, on the contrary, activity, мобилизованности.
When there are extreme situations, they call pressure long before collision with them. Therefore it is necessary to be prepared for them. The First step to success in any undertaking is psychological installation on success, absolute confidence that the purpose will be reached. It is necessary to accustom itself to success, good luck, to make her itself understood, habitual.
"Inspiration" exercises consist in "rehearsal" of an intense situation necessarily in the conditions of success, with use of colour and spatial representations. Specifications on performance of such exercises consist in the following:
* they are carried out more often in the morning, sometimes - in the afternoon, but never for the night;
* the attention training rigidly concentrates from the big and average circle of attention (wide, spacious premises) and quiet colour representations (blue, dark blue, violet tone) to a small circle of attention (narrow, close premises) and invigorating colour tones (red, yellow, orange colours) or, on occasion, to the internal;
* performance of exercises is accompanied by a musical reinforcement: in the beginning exercises quiet, smooth music is used, then gradually musical rhythm is accelerated.
The emotional pressure most likely will begin to decline, if the attention of the person is switched from the reason of anger, grieves or pleasures on their external displays - a look, tears or laughter etc. It means that emotional and physical conditions of the person are interconnected, that is why possess ability of interference. Therefore, probably, statements are equally lawful: «We laugh because to us cheerfully» and «To us is cheerful because we laugh».
1. Muscles
Most simple, but effective enough way of emotional self-control - a relaxation of mimic muscles. Having learnt to weaken obverse muscles, and also any way and meaningly to supervise their condition, it is possible to learn to operate and corresponding emotions. Than earlier (on time of occurrence of emotions) joins the conscious control, especially effective it appears. So, in anger a teeth is compressed, the look varies. There is it automatically, reflex. However it is necessary to "start" self-checking questions (whether «a teeth is compressed?», «as my person looks?»), and mimic muscles start to relax. Only preliminary training in a relaxation of certain muscular groups on the basis of verbal self-orders is necessary.
It is especially important to manager to seize skills of a relaxation of mimic muscles to apply them in need of professional work situations. Exercises for a relaxation of face muscles switch on tasks for a relaxation of this or that group of mimic muscles (a forehead, eyes, a nose, cheeks, lips, a chin). Their essence - in alternation of pressure and a relaxation of various muscles that it was easier to remember sensation of a relaxation by contrast with pressure. Exercises are carried out at an active orientation of attention to phases of pressure and a relaxation by means of verbal self-orders, auto-suggestion. As a result of repeated repetitions of these exercises gradually in consciousness there is an image of the person in the form of a mask, as much as possible free from muscular pressure. After such training it is possible easily under the mental order during the necessary moment to weaken all face muscles.
2. Breath
The important reserve in stabilisation of the emotional condition is breath perfection. Strangely enough, not all people are able to breathe correctly. Not inept breath plays last role and in fatigue. Having concentrated the attention, it is easy to notice, how breath of the person in different situations varies: differently breathe sleeping, working, angered, cheered up, become sad or frightened. Apparently, breath infringements depend on inwardness of the person that is why also any ordered breath should have return influence on this condition. Having learnt to influence the breath, it is possible to get one more way of emotional self-control.
The sense of respiratory exercises consists in the conscious control over a rhythm, frequency, depth of breath. Different types of rhythmical breath switch on delays of breath of different duration and a breath and exhalation variation. On all extent respiratory ways are plentifully supplied by the terminations of vegetative nervous system. It is established, that the breath phase raises the terminations of the sympathetic nerve which is stirring up activity of internal bodies, and an exhalation phase - a wandering nerve, as a rule, making braking impact.
Technique of performance of respiratory exercises
1. Sit down on a chair (sideways to a back), straighten a back and weaken neck muscles.
2. Hands freely put on knees and close eyes that no visual information prevented to concentrate to you. Concentrate only on the breath.
3. At performance of respiratory exercise breathe through a nose, lips are slightly closed (but are not compressed).
4. Within several minutes simply supervise the breath. Pay attention that it easy and free. Will feel, that inhaled air colder, than exhaled. Watch only that breath was rhythmical.
5. Now pay attention to that during a breath and an exhalation auxiliary respiratory muscles did not join - especially at a breath it is not necessary to straighten shoulders. They should be weakened, lowered and taken slightly away back. After a breath, naturally, the exhalation should follow. However try to prolong a breath. It will be possible to you, if, continuing a breath, you as it is possible keep from pressure of a muscle of a thorax longer. Think that is necessary now to you a long exhalation. A deep breath and the subsequent long exhalation repeat some times.
6. Now supervise a breath rhythm. After all rhythmical breath calms nerves, calming an effect has. Carry out a slow breath, being in time thus to count on the average rate from one to six. Then - a pause. Train rhythmical breath about 2-3 minutes. Duration of separate phases of breath in this case not so is important - much more important a correct rhythm. You can recollect and repeat this simple way of rhythmical breath at any time.
3. Visualisation
Effective emotional self-control is promoted also by use of receptions of imagination or visualisation. Visualisation is a creation of internal images in consciousness of the person, that is activization of imagination by means of acoustical, visual, flavouring, olfactory, осязательных sensations, and also their combinations. Visualisation helps the person to make active its emotional memory, to recreate those sensations which he has tested once. Having reproduced in consciousness images of an external world, it is possible to distract quickly from an intense situation, to restore emotional balance.
Visualisation version are exercises of "subject imagination», the colours based on deliberate use and spatial representations of consciousness of the person. Conscious representations are painted in the necessary colour corresponding to the modelled emotional condition. Colour possesses powerful emotional action on nervous system. Red, orange, yellow - colours of activity; blue, dark blue, violet - colours of rest; green - neutral. Colour (temperature, sound) it is better to supplement sensations with spatial representations. If it is necessary to calm down, have a rest, it is necessary to represent wide, open space (sea horizon, the spacious sky, the wide area, an extensive hall of theatre etc.) . For organism mobilisation on performance of a responsible problem images of close, narrow spaces with the limited horizon (narrow street with high houses, gorge, a close room) help. Use of the given receptions together allows to call a necessary emotional condition during the necessary moment (quiet - spacious sea coast, a winter landscape in lilac twilight; invigorating - a summer beach the bright sunny day, the blinding sun, bright yellow sand). It is necessary to get used to a represented picture, to experience it and to fix in consciousness. Gradually there will be a slackness and rest condition or, on the contrary, activity, мобилизованности.
When there are extreme situations, they call pressure long before collision with them. Therefore it is necessary to be prepared for them. The First step to success in any undertaking is psychological installation on success, absolute confidence that the purpose will be reached. It is necessary to accustom itself to success, good luck, to make her itself understood, habitual.
"Inspiration" exercises consist in "rehearsal" of an intense situation necessarily in the conditions of success, with use of colour and spatial representations. Specifications on performance of such exercises consist in the following:
* they are carried out more often in the morning, sometimes - in the afternoon, but never for the night;
* the attention training rigidly concentrates from the big and average circle of attention (wide, spacious premises) and quiet colour representations (blue, dark blue, violet tone) to a small circle of attention (narrow, close premises) and invigorating colour tones (red, yellow, orange colours) or, on occasion, to the internal;
* performance of exercises is accompanied by a musical reinforcement: in the beginning exercises quiet, smooth music is used, then gradually musical rhythm is accelerated.
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