Self-estimation estimation.

Your sensation of own importance depends on what, in your opinion, you are perceived by other people as you estimate yourselves and as you are estimated by others.


What, in your opinion, you sees others? Let's understand that impression which you as it seems to you, make on associates.


Present, that you casually managed to overhear, how your close friend as whom you consider as exclusively fair and at the same time acute person, tells about you to someone else.


They your way will make what main conclusions about you as about the person? For what will praise you? What will cause their condemnation? Write from their person your psychological portrait.


Then write, you test what feelings, when you describe thus. Whether that person as whom you appear in their description Is pleasant to you?


The purpose of similar introspection - to look at itself in a mirror which will allow you to look narrowly at itself more attentively. If you consider, that "friend" well has described you, listen to those sensations which are caused in you by this description. If you are capable to catch soberly words of the friend, to accept both bad and good, at you, most likely, a normal self-estimation. If the description pours out in the long list of lacks, weaknesses and sins your self-estimation is underestimated to such degree, that you, possibly, extremely low appreciate yourselves as the person. If, on mature reflexion, the description has turned out wrong, copy it.


If you in all agree with the description of the friend and it is pleasant to you to be such person it is simply remarkable. However ask a question: whether have appeared in the description any your important qualities which, hence, and you badly realise are missed. If it so, try to understand, what sphere remained without attention.


If you do not like the described person then is over what to work. First of all - to understand, when and under what circumstances you had a discontent with self. It is necessary to lower also pressure which has arisen in your relations with own self-estimation as if you do not love yourselves, your consciousness appears under the threat.


Plan of action


If you do not like the description which was given to you by the friend, think of those people with whom you are on friendly terms, despite their lacks. Try as to concern and own lacks, in other words - to make friends with itself.


Let's consider now that «an image itself» which was embodied in your consciousness. What do you think of yourselves, what your merits and demerits? Make the list of the advantages, advantages, strengths on following points.


* Appearance
* Manners
* Work
* the Daily life
* Relations with people
* the Social status
* Sexuality


Now on the same points make the list of the weaknesses, lacks, bad habits.


These two lists will serve as valuable sources of self-knowledge. What list is longer, how lacks are distributed? If the list of lacks has turned out more long, it, probably, testifies to the underestimated self-estimation. If your lacks are concentrated in any one or two areas as a whole your self-estimation is normal, but there are such spheres which demand special attention.


Re-read the lists and reflect, how much your impression answers the validity. Cross out pejorative definitions of type "silly", "unsociable", "forgetful" and replace with their more exact definitions - for example, "silly" can sound as "insufficiently informed", "unsociable" - "independent", "forgetful" - «well remembering persons, but not names», etc. Again see the list. How it is pleasant to you? Note those points which demand your special attention. Keep in mind, that you can change, and the first step to changes - to change opinion on.


Whether appreciate you?


One more way to understand - to realise the estimation, how much, in your opinion, highly you are appreciated by other people:


1. Make the list of situations in which you feel that deserve an appreciation.
2. Make the list of situations in which you feel, that you underestimate.
3. Write down names of people which generate at you these sensations.


And in this case the length of each list reflects how your self-estimation defines your consciousness. If the list of the people forcing you low to appreciate of, is longer than other list, it can mean, that you could live and work among people too critical, spiteful to you. Perhaps, you at all did not give yourselves in it the report, however it so. How it has turned out? Whether you have shown resistance? Instead of whether you have provoked such relation? After all sometimes it is possible even to derive any benefit, being in a circle of people which low appreciate you.


It can seem unpleasant, but, at least, habitual whereas leaving from this circle can seem ingratitude display, can be fraught with risk or is simply economically unprofitable. Happens, that people force you to feel the insignificance, not having it is the direct purpose, say, you do not choose for performance of any problem. In that case you should reflect on the course of life and to try to understand, these sensations of own inferiority whence result. It is important to mean, that if you like yourselves, you will like also to another. If you are not indifferent to yourselves also others to you will be not indifferent. If you love yourselves also others will grow fond of you. When you respect yourselves, you will be respected by others. But if you despise yourselves it is not excluded, as people begin to despise you.


If you very emotionally react to disapproval, reflect, about whom or of what this situation reminds you. Probably, it will clear any associations from old life experience. About that, this association is how much true, you can judge to that the emotional pressure will decrease also you again we will find freedom of actions. For example, you feel the inferiority when somebody on work as sharp tone gives you instructions. You remember, that this person something reminds you the school teacher whom it is constant to you carped, and start to feel has the right to ask to speak this person with you more delicately.


Internal voices


When you should make any the decision or to make a choice, whether you at times feel a certain internal voice which impact makes on your - criticises, objects, inspires, directs or makes comments?


Try to distinguish the internal voices and write down, that they dictate to you. They help you or stir? For example, so:


Mind: «You should, it is necessary to you».


Criticism: «You on what are unusable, it will not turn out».


Enthusiasm: «Why not to try?. You would ask about...»


Though you, probably, also do not give yourselves the report in their presence, there is nothing unusual in having the whole chorus of internal voices. For some people these voices can play only incidentally inducing or braking role, for others they turn to a long-playing record. Though personally you such voices can have a set, you, possibly, realise existence only one or two. Anyhow, they concern the most active part of your consciousness. It is very important to distinguish them as they to no small degree define your course of life.


When the internal chorus sounds harmoniously and in coordination, it can act with the big incentive force, but if voices sound is inconsistent and disapprovingly, it would be rather useful to understand them. You can find out, that receive inconsistent instructions and councils from semidozen different voices.


The strongest and destructive influence on human reason renders an internal voice which can be defined as «the internal critic». If to give it will it the mistrust and scepticism will freeze your promptings to any action. It is capable to discredit and that you perceive, and how you are going to react, leaving associates in perplexity, and you most forcing to test awkwardness.


Usually internal critic grows from your past, connecting you through time and space with those persons who once were for you authorities. Almost always this voice acts as the position of one or both your parents acquired by you or those people who supervised over your behaviour in the childhood.


If you feel in yourselves a voice of the internal critic, will pay it special attention. Listening to tone and the maintenance of its judgements, try to understand, whom it reminds you. Listen and to that other voices speak. Whether they contradict each other? Pay attention, what voices sound more loudly and more often, whether and also approving it is voices or, on the contrary, condemning. Learn to build dialogue of these voices, to force them to express clearly so that you could осознанно choose - to listen to them or them to ignore.