Pejsing, or display of feelings.

In psychology under pejsing any form of "reflexion" of other person, i.e. conditions creation in which everything, that he sees is understood, hears or feels, it is represented to it correct, good and fair.


Pejsing (or reflexion of feelings) is an aspiration to show to the interlocutor, that we understand its feelings. As it is pleasant to speak with the sensitive interlocutor who divides your emotions and experiences, not paying special attention to the speech maintenance, which being sometimes has no special value and for you most.


Pejsing means, that you show to other person the parties of the person closest to it. People are inclined to sympathise with those who is similar to them, and do not wish to argue with those who is pleasant to them. Is better we communicate with people who look at the world the same as we at which the same liking and antipathies. We choose to ourselves friends among people who give us sensation of internal harmony.


Pejsing occurs absolutely unconsciously when there is a liking i.e. when there is an inclination. But pejsing it is possible to apply and it is conscious as the specific technics of achievement of an inclination, in a situation when people badly know each other, are closed, adjusted expectantly or sceptically, are in a defensive or offensive position, are nervous, etc.


Having seized technics pejsing, you can come out the winner from many difficult situations arising in the course of your dialogue with other people.


To reflect people it is possible in the various ways.


1. Through body language (a pose in which you sit or stand, position of feet, gesticulation, head position, gait, a look, breath, a touch, clothes).


2. Through speech (a voice timbre, tempo of speech, a mere verbiage, tone, force of a voice, use of professional words and expressions).


3. Through feelings (tolerance, interest, an inclusiveness, display of respect for qualification, character traits and experience of the interlocutor).


By pejsing you will manage considerably to improve relations with other person if will adapt for it at least a timbre of the voice and speed of speech.


Reflexion of feelings is most useful in conflict situations. If we can show to the person that we understand its feelings, "accusatory" heat of its speech for certain will fall down.


Many conflicts between people arise only because one speaks very quickly, and another - too slowly. As a rule, the one who speaks quickly, is irritated and starts to speak even faster. It calls feeling of uncertainty and the protest its interlocutor, and as reaction he speaks even more slowly.


The people possessing a good professional knowledge and experience in this or that area, easily can, that not wishing, to belittle the less knowing interlocutors if begin to speak with them too quickly. Even worse when the expert starts to use professional terminology. Such situation is very extended in relations the doctor - the patient: if the doctor quickly sets questions, not caring of answer reception, does not look at the patient and in general renders it not enough attention that feels «not in the plate».


Reflexion of feelings is desirable in situations when the interlocutor is tormented by a personal problem and he wishes to share with us and to find understanding. Besides, reflexion of feelings helps to realise better and more full an own emotional condition that is the beginning of overcoming of crisis. Being a mirror reflecting feelings of the interlocutor, we become some kind of doctors of his soul. Naturally, he will consider us as magnificent interlocutors and begins to aspire to communicate with us.


There are quite certain rules of application pejsing, consisting in the following.


1. At reflexion of feelings the accent becomes not on the message maintenance, and on an emotional condition of the interlocutor.


2. Reflecting feelings of the interlocutor, it is necessary to show to it, that we understand its condition and to pass it the words. For example, it is possible to use such phrases: «At me such sensation, that you are excited by something». Or: «it seems to me, that you are a little offended...»


Thus it is desirable to avoid categorical formulations of type: «I am assured, that you are afflicted». Such categorical statements about feelings of the interlocutor can call it only irritation.


3. To understand feelings of the interlocutor it is possible various ways. First of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the words used by it reflecting feelings (artful, unpleasant, heavy, unexpected, painfully to see, it was difficult to present, etc.). It is possible to guess much on a look, gestures, intonation. That it is better to understand the interlocutor, it is necessary as it is possible to present more brightly, that ourselves would feel on a place speaking in such situation.


You, of course, had to test negative reaction from the person to whom you have rendered a positive sign on attention. Meeting negative reaction to positive signs on attention going from you, and it would be desirable to tell: «Here see, positive signs on attention very easily can call negative reaction». But it is too hasty conclusion. Negative reaction, possibly, is called by one of following reasons.


1. The way with which help you have rendered a positive sign on attention, was inappropriate in the given concrete situation. The person who has negatively reacted to positive signs of attention, during that moment was in gloomy mood.


2. The person has covered the confusion with negative reaction.


To render and accept attention signs it is necessary so that it looked natural. It is very uneasy. Here good preparation and delicacy are necessary. To render attention signs it is possible only in all sincerity. If you render a positive sign on attention insincerely, at heart considering, that the person of it is not worthy, as though you tried, your true relation will be shown in a mimicry, gestures, a pose, intonations, etc., and your sign on attention will be rejected as flattery display. Remember that language of your body never lies.


And now in the generalised kind we will give concrete advice about rendering of signs on attention.


1. If the person negatively reacts to positive signs on attention, it, most likely, means, that he wishes to receive them even more.


2. The manner in which you render attention signs, should correspond to your character and a concrete situation. Behave easy and sincerely. Attention signs should look natural. Do not use too many words in a superlative degree and be not overzealous.


3. Remember that the best sign on attention of you is an attention. It first of all visual contact, correct position of a body, the use of a name of the interlocutor, voice modulation, tempo of speech and so forth Differently, is a question of those displays which are observed at conversation with the pleasant interlocutor.


4. A determinative defining reaction of the person on signs of attention which you render it, your relation to it is. Whether you consider, what he really deserves a positive sign on attention, or you pursue thus any latent aim, for example, to flatter and receive something in exchange? Your signs on attention will be accepted much better if you develop in yourselves installation: «I the good person. Others too good people though and in something differ from me».


5. Remember that the more signs on attention you render to the person, the it is more than signs on attention will want to render to you. You want it or not, your true relation is always shown in a mimicry, plastic, etc. Therefore language of your body is perceived surrounding as more sincere expression of your intentions, than your words.


6. Rendering attention signs, avoid the jammed phrases, a cliche and stereotypes. Be by itself, differently your behaviour will seem to false people who know you.


7. It is necessary to give special attention to rendering of untied signs on attention. They have the greatest effect. Take for a rule to express the positive relation if see, that someone does something good. Learn as it is possible to express pleasure and attention sincere and more warmly.


8. If you manage not at once to receive the positive response to positive signs on attention rendered by you, do not despair! Continue in the same spirit, and sooner or later results will come. Try to render more signs on attention in those areas which for the given person have special value.


9. When you learn to show attention to positive lines of other people and to do it when they of it deserve, then it will be much easier to you to render and negative signs on attention. People on whom your criticism is turned, it will be easier to be perceived. They will feel your aspiration it to help, will listen more to your critical remarks and to perceive them as council and a constructive wish, instead of as unfair reproach.


For many people to render an attention sign to other person not so it is simple. For others it is even more difficult to accept it. It especially concerns the people having scarce balance of signs of attention. Therefore it is necessary to get rid of the constraint, stirring to accept attention signs, and to learn to answer a praise «Thanks, I am glad, that you so think of me» instead of speaking: «Yes that I there have